Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[Gardener]

Big John

You know, something I've sensed previously in my own sitch (don't know if this is completely accurate- it's just a feeling) is that my W seemed to derive strength/confidence when I was down in the dumps emotionally. Now that I've detached- and I mean business when I'm dealing with her in the D process- she is not so smug and giddy.

Yes! I've sensed the same thing! When I was in meltdown mode, she was seemingly smug and superior (I know this is an assumption, but I do know her, after all) Even this past weekend when I surprised everyone by joyfully joining them in Chicago for new Granddaughter and being my old I'm-fine-no-matter-what self. Wife seemed p!$$ed!
Bingo. You nailed it.

[iwantittowork]

Interesting points BJ/Gardner.

The last two times I saw my STBXW, there was def a change in her demeanor, but I couldn't place it, so stopped trying to figure out what it was.

Just jotting some notes down, I have not posted in a couple days, as I have just been so busy with things, work, then doing GAL stuff after work, been out the last three nights in a row, meeting up with some new people, and probably going out tonight as well.

I call d8 every night so I can talk with her, and she sounds good, so I am happy about that, she likes to laugh and joke, and has her stuffed dog talk to me on the phone. Makes me sad I can't hug her every day, but take comfort in just talking with her. I hope to be able to keep those conversations going, and make them last longer as she gets older.

Saturday, I may just take the day to work on more unpacking, and have to get the financial paperwork together and off to L, then pick up d8 on Sunday am.

I do feel I need to make plans to do something Saturday night, Halloween, as it's first holiday I won't be with d8, she's staying with STBXW to trick or treat in the neighborhood.

I'll get her all of Thanksgiving weekend though, so that will be nice.

[SpyBunny]

Hi IWITW-

I'm glad that you're doing well and staying busy. And definitely find something to do for Halloween.

Take care-
Bunny

[iwantittowork]

Hey Bunny, thanks for the thoughts, I need to catch up on where you are, I see you have a whole new thread I missed and have to catch up on!

[BigJohn]

IWITW,

Regarding being away from D8, I feel for you. Being away from my kids when my W and I separate, especially my super sweet D3, on my off week is really going to be tough- I'm dreading it. I tuck my kids in bed every night too so it's just going to be hard.

Sounds like you are making the right moves- staying busy, going out with friends, GAL, etc. I'm in the same boat you are in- W is taking the kids with her and a girlfriend for Trick-R-Treating on Halloween and I'll get the kids for Thanksgiving. I can live with that deal. Not sure what I'm going to do with myself- maybe just hang out here at the house, pass out candy and watch horror flicks on TV.

[iwantittowork]

on my off week is really going to be tough- I'm dreading it.

Thanks BJ for your thoughts, as to your post above, I have found that the 'dreading' portion of things is often worse than how you find you feel after something finally occurs.

So, knowing that, it may be easier to remove some of the dread. When you feel that way, think of the thought chain that's caused that emotion then, change that thought train!

Acknowledge that you will be sad, but you won't be devestated. you will get past it, as it's temporary, not permanent feelings, or situation. Things may be 'different' but that does not mean they will be 'bad'

Take care!

[iwantittowork]

Notes:

Talked to d8 before she went out Trick or treating, and she sounded great, was so excited about getting dressed up. On my way shortly to go pick her up, and I can't wait to see her!!!

I actually didn't feel that great last night, so just did some food shopping, and stayed home and did listened to so self help audio and watched a dvd.

Didn't fare to bad, although I could not fall asleep after, as my mind was racing, seemed to be anxious, or excited, about going to get d8 tomorrow, so I finally dropped a Advil PM to try and get some sleep.

Then at 2am, (1 am after time change! ) my work called with an emergency, so I had to drag out of bed to fix that. Boy was not in a good mood for that, I can tell you.

But, no worries now, fixed it, and then finally dropped back into bed. Got a few hours sleep, so going to have to live on that for today..

[SpyBunny]

Enjoy your day with your daughter! I realized again last night how much I miss my kids being little like that. I'll find out what mine were up to when the pics show up on their friends' FB pages! (D17 at least, S18 was working and bummed about it!)

I hope you sleep better tonight- at least no interruptions!

Hugs-
Bunny

[Gardener]

I have found that the 'dreading' portion of things is often worse than how you find you feel after something finally occurs.

So, knowing that, it may be easier to remove some of the dread. When you feel that way, think of the thought chain that's caused that emotion then, change that thought train!

Acknowledge that you will be sad, but you won't be devestated. you will get past it, as it's temporary, not permanent feelings, or situation. Things may be 'different' but that does not mean they will be 'bad'

Ain't that the truth!
Excellent post.
Enjoy your day!

[iwantittowork]

I have to post for a bit, been a bit of an all over day..

First the bad points..

I found I was getting really anxious just knowing I'd see STBXW when picking up d8 this AM on the way there. I tried to work through that as best I could, knowing I was kind of projecting on my way there, but it is what it is. I had to pickup d8 at Coffee shop, as STBXW decided to meet a friend there and have me pick up d8. That was odd, almost like she didn't want me coming by the house, but whatever.

Last week, STBXW didn't bother to check or pack properly for d8, and almost all the clothes in her bag were dirty. I washed them so she had clean clothes to get dressed in for school so I could drop them off, but I was shocked at that, but let it slide. This week, it's the same clothes that I packed back, and sent back, she never bothered to check for clean ones or if she had proper clothes to wear. I need to speak with STBXW about this.

Next, d8 tells me today that SS17 is the one that walked her around for trick or treat, STBXW stayed at home to 'pass out candy' I know there's nothing I can do about this, but that really ticked me off, d8's first holiday without dad around, and she sends her older brother around because she doesn't want to leave the house???? I need to probably let that go, but I don't understand that at all.

Now at least to something good today.

I must say, my d8 I am so proud of, it's getting me emotional tonight. This week, STBXW and her carved a pumpkin and roasted the seeds, d8 took a sandwich bag, and wrote 'dad' on it, and put a bunch of them in there. Then, she took another sandwich bag and wrote 'dad' on that one too, then picked through her candy she got trick or treating, and took every one of her Reese's peanut butter cups, and put them in that bag for me, as she knows they are my favorite candy. I am just so darned proud of her, she is such a good person..