Well,I lost my cool earlier this week and exploded at H when he reacted testily to an innocent comment I had made. I was just focused on how disrespected I have been feeling and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I let him know that I had concluded that he had zero respect for me and that I would not be treated like that.I reminded him that I was a woman of value. I was so frustrated that unfortunately I started to cry a little but quickly regained my composure. Then tears came to his eyes and he quickly blinked them away.
We have both spoken little since this happened. Our interaction has mostly been limited to Good Morning and Good Night. I have reached a limit with the disrespect factor associated with being involved with OP. Sometimes I think my H must be insane!
I have taken stock of my situation and realize that I need to shake up H's equilibrium big time. HE will now have to wonder what is on my mind. I have been far too transparent with my desires and thoughts even though I may not have expressed them. I can no longer be an open book to him. I need to be more unpredictable and resume my GALing which had tapered down a bit. I need to be unavailable. I need to shake the very foundation of his world and his certainty that I am a sure thing for him. I need to turn this sitch upside down. He needs to want me and when he wants me he needs to WORK to get me back. He has to show that he respects me again because without that it just ain't happening.
I will do the work and trust God for the rest. Much of it is beyond me and I rest easy in the knowledge that He is always in control. He knows my heart and hears my prayers. I could not have made it this far without Him.
