I wouldn't send the email. Seems like it's too much about YOU and the last sentence is critical of her. I don't think she'd react well to that email. JMO.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
I didn't send it, instead I called to say good morning to my son and once I was done with him she got back on and there a slight pause so I asked if she wanted to talk. She said we did last night and it didn't go too well.
I ended up telling her that we have never really seriously tried to resolve issues in our marriage with counseling and that we should do it, not just to try to save our marriage, but so that we can get past any resentment that we hold towards each other. She agreed that we could do it, but NOT to save our marriage, only to make it so we are better parents to our son. (OUCH!) She claimed that something is seriously broken (in her) and she doesn't want to be in a marriage with me.
It still really bothers me that with the current situation (her living an hour away) I will at best be a weekend dad for my son. I will not be able to participate in any of his weekly sporting activities (if he does them) and just be the major influence that I want to be.
Last edited by pitinmygut; 10/29/0902:17 PM.
Me 44/W 32 S1 M8 Bomb 9/25/09 Separate houses (about 1 hour apart)
Well, I finally bit the bullet and decided to pay for the reverse lookup for the cell phone # that I had questioned earlier. Really not much info to go on other than it is registered to an Indian name, so I am assuming that it is some sort of doctor/counseler. It is Boston (cambridge to be exact).
I think that she needed some sort of grief counseler or some sort of coaching to help her through the process of dropping the bomb on me. According to my cell records, she called the # just before she dropped the bomb and then several more times during the next few days and then nothing since.
Me 44/W 32 S1 M8 Bomb 9/25/09 Separate houses (about 1 hour apart)
wow, this is one of the best articles that I have read in a long time. This is from David Cunningham ([censored] dot com). This certainly something for all of us to strive for. I know that, although I am a strong man, I do not portray myself the ways mentioned below. I will now do my best to be that man!
My favorite motivational poem, which projects the true spirit of the unconquerable alpha male, who does takes both action and full responsibility for his actions, and how the confident attitude it projects will make you absolutely ooze attraction.
Good morning, Chris! I have a special treat for you, my favorite motivational poem of all time. Many of you may have read it, but I've met few who ever gave it serious study and consideration. And that's a shame, when you see what it holds for you that could help a man, relationship and marriage.
Most people remember and even quote that last line or two, but few remember their origin and have never really studied the poem, trying to live the part of the main character, and exploring and adopting the attitude expressed. Read it carefully, once for understanding of what the character is saying, and then a second time to try to feel what they are feeling, and we'll discuss it and how it relates to your relationship and building attraction afterward.
Invictus By W.E. Henley
Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods there be For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced or cried aloud; Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this vale of doubt and fear Looms but the terror of the Shade And, yet, the passing of the years Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul.
So let's dig into this, deeply, and see what Henley knew about being a man and how that might help you get your life and relationship or marriage back on track. To make sure you get the context, "Invictus" is "soliloquy," defined in "The American Heritage Dictionary" as "A dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character reveals his or her thoughts when alone or unaware of the presence of other characters." He's not trying to impress anyone; he's alone and thinking or speaking only to himself.
Speaking of gender, we don't know whether the character is a man or woman, but everyone assumes it is a man when they read it, because the feeling generated is that typical of an alpha male - independent, strong, railing against the storm so to speak. He is in complete darkness, according to the first paragraph, possibly in a prison or dungeon cell, or in an apartment or bedroom, utterly alone and celebrating his own sense of self and character. In the second stanza, he says that no matter what has happened to him, he's taken it and moved on.
He's been beaten up, but not beaten down, and certainly not beaten into submission. In the third stanza, rather reminiscent of Psalm 23 of the Christian Bible ("vale of doubt and fear" is identical allegory to "valley of the shadow of death," "the terror of the Shade" being the angel of death or god of the underworld, as in the first stanza we see that Henley's character is religious, but not Christian, as his "gods" are unidentified and existence questioned - "whatever gods there be"), he says that life is uncertain, and the afterlife possibly more so, yet he has no concern for that.
He goes on in the fourth saying that it matters not how he is judged ("how straight the gate" is an allusion to several different versions of Heaven and Hell, and "the scroll" is the judgment of his life) because he lived his life making his own choices, and is perfectly prepared to accept the consequences of those choices. His world and his choices are simply, utterly, and relentlessly, his own.
Why? Is it ego? Conceit? Hardly. Ego and conceit are not signs of confidence, but of a lack thereof, the leper's bell of someone lacking self-esteem and trying to fake it. This character has simply chosen to command his own life, to do with it the best he can, to accept all challenges to his life and well-being, and if he is to lose a battle, he will regroup, re-engage, and ultimately win the war.
What image does this paint for you? A sniveling, craven little wuss huddled in a corner of a dark room? I should say, "not just no, but hell no!" A man standing straight, tall, shoulders back, feet at shoulder width, head held high, ready for action; he may not own the world, but he certainly commands what part of it is around him. So blatantly heroic an image that it's not hard for a cape whipping in the breeze to enter the picture if you're not careful.
Why do I bother going through all of this about a poem? Wake up, gentlemen! This is the guy every woman wants her partner to be! At the very least, it is the image of him that she wants to hold, strong, confident, moving through the world with a purpose that is his own, in command (not CONTROL, mind you!) and in demand. Do you want to know one of the best kept secrets in all of existence? Every one of us is born this way!
Really! Look at small children. They try to do things assuming that they will succeed. They don't jump off the back of the couch and land face-first on the floor because they're stupid; it's because they've not yet learned that there are things that are impossible. Unfortunately, as they grow older, they learn a lot more than the simple physics of gravity, inertia, and motion that would keep them from jumping off the couch and busting their face again.
It is failure that they (we!) learn, and which plagues us all for the rest of our lives if we let it. The operational phrase there is "if we let it." It's a choice. Failure of any kind is a choice, a choice to be defeated instead of a choice to learn all we can, give something our best effort, and if it doesn't work out, to acknowledge that it required more resources - whether time, money, energy, relationships, or whatever - than we were able to muster, and to make course corrections so that we continue the journey toward something desirable. No matter what the outcome of any endeavor, it is only a failure if we choose to declare it so, and choose to be a loser or victim instead of a contender or survivor. And as long as a man truly gives something his best effort, he cannot fail; the only failure is to fail to rationally address an issue and meet it with whatever he can reasonably muster.
Do you realize that humans are the only species on this planet with the power of volitional choice - the power to think and choose everything, instead of simply growing to the point of being able to survive and then having all development stop? Intellect allows us to reach a point of being able to survive, then surpass that point and flourish, improving our standard of living, and possibly that of others around us and in generations to come. We are the top of the food chain for that reason and none other. Contrary to popular belief, being human isn't something for which one should apologize (..."I can't help it. I'm only human..."), it's something to which one should aspire! (Be a REAL man! Or be a REAL Woman! I think, therefore I succeed!)
Those whom women find the most attractive are those who have aspired to be and finally became supremely human men, the alpha male - the strong, confident male, able to make logical decisions, formulate successful plans, and carry them out with all the confidence in the world that he can do just that, who looks not at his feet, but at the horizon, and onward to the next world he is to master. Be that man; it's your choice, and her dream. Make both of you happy. If you have to, print this poem and put it where you can read it while you shave every morning. (Yes, EVERY morning! Real men have more self-respect than to run around with two-day old stubble on their face and "bed hair" trying to look like a thug or a flake, no matter what might be "in style"!) Memorize it, and recite it several times throughout the day. Get it done.
It's time to take charge, and make the world your own. She'll notice. It's not an act. It's a matter of first learning how things work and what the best behavior is, then toning down your bad behavior while enhancing the good behavior, and then adding to the good behavior with other traits that you can enjoy having and she will enjoy seeing. [i][/i]
Last edited by pitinmygut; 10/30/0901:47 PM.
Me 44/W 32 S1 M8 Bomb 9/25/09 Separate houses (about 1 hour apart)
Well, I finally bit the bullet and decided to pay for the reverse lookup for the cell phone # that I had questioned earlier. Really not much info to go on other than it is registered to an Indian name, so I am assuming that it is some sort of doctor/counseler. It is Boston (cambridge to be exact).
I think that she needed some sort of grief counseler or some sort of coaching to help her through the process of dropping the bomb on me. According to my cell records, she called the # just before she dropped the bomb and then several more times during the next few days and then nothing since.
PIMG,
Nice poem. It's the same one in my high school yearbook.
You have to get in the game. Right Freaking Now.
You need to get a lawyer, yesterday and get a separation agreement in place. This crap of taking your son and moving an hour away is pure entitlement and you cannot let this stand for any length of time.
Put a stop to it now. If you have to get an au paire/nanny to look after your son while you are at work then start making calls to find one and interview candidates. How old is he anyway? You mentioned schools - was he going to preschool?
Tell your lawyer what you want in terms of custody and figure out what needs to be done. You said you could work 4 days a week for a time being - good, do it. Can you also work virtually from home? Those options would allow you additional time with your son.
Your WAW doesn't respect you or any boundaries with respect to your relationship with your son. Have you been abusive at all? Is there any reason your W would take your son away?
Get moving, be decisive and take action to preserve your rights and your relationship with your son.
CABBR
M:49, W:47 M:22,T:23 S9, S6 W probable MLC Bomb: 4/09 In-house separation and Separate bedrooms since 4/09 EA busted: 7/09 W filed: 7/09 Kids unaware of D filing
My son is 1. when I say school, I am thinking in the future.
I have never been abusive, not even close. The only reason she would take my son is for own selfishness right now and her "entitlement".
I can't work virtually, well I could, but the company doesn't want to show any favoritism towards me, they are already allowing me to do the 4 day work week if I want to.
I will try to contact some lawyers today. Does anyone know a ballpark figure for getting a legal separation put in place?
Me 44/W 32 S1 M8 Bomb 9/25/09 Separate houses (about 1 hour apart)
My son is 1. when I say school, I am thinking in the future.
I have never been abusive, not even close. The only reason she would take my son is for own selfishness right now and her "entitlement".
I can't work virtually, well I could, but the company doesn't want to show any favoritism towards me, they are already allowing me to do the 4 day work week if I want to.
I will try to contact some lawyers today. Does anyone know a ballpark figure for getting a legal separation put in place?
You may have to pay retainer of around $3k that should more than cover it. Most initial consultations are gratis and you will either pay a retainer or on an hourly basis. You'd have the initial filing and the separation agreement.
CABBR
M:49, W:47 M:22,T:23 S9, S6 W probable MLC Bomb: 4/09 In-house separation and Separate bedrooms since 4/09 EA busted: 7/09 W filed: 7/09 Kids unaware of D filing
