The MC session was abbreviated. She mainly said that she didn't see where she could be of much help to us at this point since the third party was still an issue and my wife still had decisions to make in that regard.
Afterwards, W confided that her whole family had turned on her as a result of this (they picked my side) and she was feeling alone and the OM was the only person she could turn to right now. I told her if she couldn't give him up and try to make our marriage work, then she probably needed to leave.
This morning she told me that the OM would pay for her a place to live with my kids. I told her our kids were not leaving with her. She fumed over that one.
I don't know what the next step will be at this point. I expect she will be gone by the weekend. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. I'm trying to keep my head up about this but its hard.
I don't know what the next step will be at this point. I expect she will be gone by the weekend. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. I'm trying to keep my head up about this but its hard.
You'll make it because your kids need you to. Once the fantasy evolves into reality, she'll be looking to come back. Then you will be the one with decisions to make.
How do I handle my kids? I want full custody, but I don't want to do more damage to them fighting for them, if that makes sense. That would be a fight, one I know I could win based on my conversations with an attorney, but it would put much bitterness between she and I which is something I don't want my kids in the middle of. I also don't want them to have any contact at all with the OM. Its the rock/hard-place syndrome.
How do I handle my kids? I want full custody, but I don't want to do more damage to them fighting for them, if that makes sense. That would be a fight, one I know I could win based on my conversations with an attorney, but it would put much bitterness between she and I which is something I don't want my kids in the middle of. I also don't want them to have any contact at all with the OM. Its the rock/hard-place syndrome.
She's the one leaving; who gives two figs about how "bitter" she'll be!
Do what you think is right for your kids. Period. They need a parent that will be there for them 100%, and you can't count on her to be the one.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
She told me she wants to talk tonight after kids are in bed. I am sure this is it. I will be taking control and holding my ground on the kids. I have an attorney ready to draw up papers tomorrow on legal separation and full custody. Won't be a hard sell to a judge, I am sole provider, I do most of the duties (cook, clean, baths, bedtime, etc). She's the one with the issues. This state requires grounds for leg. sep and divorce. The OM (who claims to be loaded but has warrants our for hot checks) supposedly will pay for her a place to stay. I will give her the option of stopping all contact wiht OM, immediately, or be gone by morning. Any other words of wisdom to keep the confidence up when she explodes?
She told me she wants to talk tonight after kids are in bed. I am sure this is it. I will be taking control and holding my ground on the kids. I have an attorney ready to draw up papers tomorrow on legal separation and full custody. Won't be a hard sell to a judge, I am sole provider, I do most of the duties (cook, clean, baths, bedtime, etc). She's the one with the issues. This state requires grounds for leg. sep and divorce. The OM (who claims to be loaded but has warrants our for hot checks) supposedly will pay for her a place to stay. I will give her the option of stopping all contact wiht OM, immediately, or be gone by morning. Any other words of wisdom to keep the confidence up when she explodes?
Nope, sounds good. Stick to your guns and good luck.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
She told me she wants to talk tonight after kids are in bed. I am sure this is it.
Maybe, maybe not. Don't try to mind read just be prepared.
Remember to make the boundary about behavior do not make it personal. "I feel ________ when you do this_____." Not, "You make me feel ________."
Make sure you are in balance - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Don't get baited into a argument. You can handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Right now, things are all on stand-by. The talk she wanted to have was mainly to clarify some things I had told her. She has not yet decided what she is going to do, however, I overheard a phone call she had with a GF where she said she is so close.
I am in process of GAL and just being a Dad to my kids. I can't see a lot of difference in her in regards to how she perceives me. She does talk a lot about how her family is turning their back on her as a result of this and she is feeling alone except for GF and OM. She is definitely favoring him.
Inwardly this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am planning to have the Boundary talk with her later this week where I am going to put a time limit on how long I will allow this to go on before I take action myself.
She is aware the kids stay with me and that may be the only thing that is stopping her at this point.
