Not sure what to do

[bluerain]

Hi Stu, welcome. This is a good place for you to be!

Have you read the Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy books? They are a good place to start.

First and foremost, if you have promised her her space, give it to her. Stay away from relationship talks... even on your anniversary date. Do you know if she is planning on a gift for you? If shes not, I would say maybe just get her a simple card. I would also say that going to counseling is a good idea. This could be a really tough time for you, and they can help you through it, just make sure that your counselor is pro-marriage. You are part of an 11 year marriage, you cant expect things to be fixed in a matter of weeks, many of us have been embroiled in our situations for years.

You cant read her mind, so DO NOT try. You can take this time to worry about what you need to do to make yourself the best husband that you can possibly be. You wife is going through a crisis right now, with her fathers death and whatever else is going on, I would really advocate patience here.

Her talking about making your home comfortable for both of you is a good sign. But again, stay away from trying to decipher her behaviors, and do not engage in relationship talks. Validate her concerns or complaints. Tell her that you understand what shes saying, or why she might feel that way. Dont aruge, or try to defend yourself. The time will come for you to air your concerns.

Keep coming on here and giving us updates. The more info that you give us, the better we can help. If you feel like calling her up and talking about your marriage, dont, come on here and journal about it, or write a letter and burn it. They call it dropping the rope- the more you try to pull her to you, the more she will resist- if you drop the rope, she can come to you.

Good luck!