Kerry, last night it was so obvious, this man is trying VERY hard to "function" while feeling all this guilt. Remember I said my emails when I first found out this, would make ME suicidal? I wouldnt want to be in his shoes. Last night he mentioned "guilt" so many times in a 20 mins conversation I lost count. I had noticed something telling in one of his email as well. He had said something like "I am the one that has to live with himself". And as you must know if you have read your share of self help books, as I am sure you have, guilt isnt helping him, or "us".
Bill, there is no trust. And he knows that. And he doesnt expect me to trust him, no matter what he says. This is going to be a "test and trial" thing for quite some time. Unless my Alzheimer kicks in and I lose my mind. I feel I know why he chose to cheat on me. He actually chose to leave me. Not cheat on me. He believed his love was dead and replaced for the love with another. It wasnt his choice to have 2 women and play games with both of them. He left although I didnt know he had her. He couldnt take the double life any longer. From her emails, they had tried to stop seeing each other, because he asked her to, a few times. They couldnt and he thought back then, he made the right choice, he soon figured out, he couldnt get over me (or that's what I want to believe maybe).
And our relationship at that time, wasnt covering any of each other's emotional needs. We were an accident waiting to happen. That much I know. Why he chose to abandon ship and not save it, well, I guess excitement, lust, new shiny woman, his need to feel good and admired etc etc played their role. Do not believe this is a part I am not eagerly looking for answers from him though. So far the "I wasnt in love wit her, I was in love with the state I was in" is what I got.
Bbj, it is obvious things are very fragile at the moment.For both of us. For our own reasons for each one of us. I am hesitant to suggest a coucenlor because...there arent any here really trained for infidelity or marriage counceling at all. There isnt ONE councelor listed anywhere in Athens as solely marriage councelor. They advertise as councelors for "family, kids, couples' therapy" and when you ask them, they tell you that "you dont have big chances to stay together but if you want I will try to help you", exactly what Michele and others say to avoid. I may have to look harder. But at this point I may as well teach one of our friends all I know and let them help us.
My friend today that we spent the day together with his family yesterday, called me and said he enjoyed how me and stbxH interacted, "like good old times" he said. He suggested we talk to our monk if stbxh agrees. I am thinking about it.
What this man did, is not acceptable. What this man did can not be excused. I have 2 choices, stick to that and close the door or give us a chance and move beyond that. I am trying to do the latter. Not very successfully but God knows, I wasnt prepared for this. No one ever is I gather. K
