In a stage with no name...I think.

[ginab1966]

J3B:

Thanks so much for the affirmation and positive response.

I do have time on my side but I will tell you that no matter what I do, don't do, say, don't say..it's just never enough. I am typically a very, peppy, happy and pleasant person to be around. I know how important it is that i still maintain this type of attitude. It's good for me, for my daughter and for DB'ing. Despite this, my husband is just typically an isolater that sees the bad in everything. We have a really good time when we're together but we do have this parent/child relationship that I'm working very hard to break. I keep getting sucked back in however and I HAVE to work on my boundries. He is the silly, never serious, hates structure, budgets, doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do sort of guy..this can be inharent with ADHD behavior. I, in lieu of the fact that left to his devices, we would be penniless and homeless, has to reign that free spirit in. He sees it as controlling. I see it as self/family preservation.

No, this isn't for whimps and I've really been trying to be the best DB'er I can but it gets hard when you're trying everything and nothing is working. The one thing I haven't tried is just telling him that our daughter and I deserve so much more than someone who is just biding there time waiting to leave...so if you're gonna leave...please do it now. It would be a 180 but it's also not what I really want. I think that would go under the tough love advice you were talking about.

To my knowledge, he has ended the PA and did so when he recommited back in August. But do I know that with all certainty???? NO.

I feel like I'm at the end but with the potential of a new beginning. God, I just sure wish he would get emotionally healthy enough to see the blessing he has in us. He really is an great Dad in so many ways and loves DD soooo much. I guess the point is that I can't worry about his emotional health and only focus on mine...which I am doing, really...I'm working on that full bore.

Thanks so much for the insights...Gina B