I had a chuckle reading your latest post - The "bad guy" label - Same label my H is trying desperately to avoid at all costs. He didn't want to appear the bad guy to the OW when he found out she was leaving her H and child to move here that he actually packed up and set up an apartment to cover his lying ass - He never thought she would move here so instead of looking like a bad guy to her, he bailed on us
All along he had told her we were seperated, not seeing one another etc...The night before he left he looked me right in the eye and told me he wasn't going anywhere, would never move without telling me, he loved me and the boys etc...Dark days for me my friend and I just don't want you to get slapped like that.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Seren, if there is an OM, I wonder if I will throw in the towel, or be more patient and wait it out. I'm thinking that if there is an OM, it would be easier for me to move on. But, this is all speculation--for I don't know for sure how I will react.
I've been reading your thread, and my heart goes out to you. You will definitely be stronger if you're not strong already.
Did your H's OW find out what he did trying not to be the 'bad guy'?
I always said "If my H ever cheated on me, I would beat him down and walk away without looking back" until it happened.
Then everything you have ever believed in is put into question, your values are shaken to the core, your self-respect, ego, self-worth all fly out the window and you are left a shell with a shattered soul...
What happens next will define you/your values/your beliefs...
The night he told me, I walked out, took a drive, thought a lot then decided I wasn't giving up...
In the beginning I did all the wrong things, the begging, pleading, bargaining etc...
I am most proud that he has yet (to this day) seen a single tear fall from my eyes, I would wait til he left then cry and there were days I never wanted to get up but by the Grace of God, my sons', the people I met here and my Church, I am here stronger and better then I have ever been before...
I am no longer suicidal, I can go all day (finally) without crying and the triggers are coming fewer and fewer in between...
That isn't to say I don't have bad days, I do - more then I would like but I am human and I am still heartbroken however this is just a part of me, I can't let it be all of me -
This will not define me, it will help define a better me.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Seren, That, indeed, was alot to go thru. God was really close to you then. I'm afraid when W (I've mistakenly been using M) walked out, she'd seen me cry a few times. We both actually saw each other cry alot.
Your H has MLC, and I'm wondering if my W has one. Here's what she said when she left:
-we are not compatible -life is too short -we have different outlooks -our goals are different -I have ambitions and you don't. (huh? Just because she has a business and I don't doesn't mean I'm not ambitious. I make more than she). -she wanted to spend more time with her friends whether or not I would go. -she will be turning 40 soon.
I actually wrote down all the dribble my H threw my way - And when I feel low, I can now look back on it and see I am better then that and it is just the "monster" talking. Now if I could just get him to see it lol...
He used some of the same lines your wife used on me as well...
This is where the "Believe none of what you hear and 1/2 of what you see" comes in...
She is projecting/deflecting/blameshifting/gaslighting to cover something, that I feel 100%...
It may not be another man or it may be, I can't say because I don't know her but you do - Deep down you know if something is "off" regardless of whether you have proof or not, you just know.
Don't feed into her crap...
Let her say what she wants to say but as someone here once told me - Don't own her crazy.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
sam...My W said a lot of those same things to me. I hope for your sake there isn't an OM involved. When I discovered my W's A, I was crushed. But it did help me figure out what was going on & figure out what I was going to do. I wish you the best.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
Seren, She felt uncomfortable with me going to Vegas because after I had lunch with her best friend's husband. I told him I was fighting for this marriage and was broken-hearted. He was surprised. He and his wife thought the separation was mutual. Apparently M doesn't want to appear the 'bad guy' that decided to abandon the family. So, M calls me and accuses me of contacting her friends to have pity on me. I told her that it was her friends calling me and lending me their support. That's when Vegas came up and she made her feelings known that she is uncomfortable because now there was a whole group that I can tell my 'sob story' to. My wife cares too much what other people think and is easily influenced by them. The last 2-3 years there have been many family and friends around her that have divorced or separated, and this caused her to question her own stock and decided, yes, 'life is too short' to be unhappy in a marriage.
Hi Puppy, yes that was one explanation. But, the next day after she accused me of playing the 'poor ol me' game, she calls and tells me that I should go to Vegas. She came to the conclusion that if I don't go because of her, she'll look bad. If I do go, she knows that I will be talking with her friends. Either way she's going to be stressed because she cares too much what other people think. The bottom line is, many of her friends call me anyway--don't need to go to Vegas for that. Reason I'm close with her friends is that over the years she wanted to socialize with her friends and didn't care much for mine.
Good morning Seren, thank you for checkin in. I've wanted to ask you two things: 1) From the beginning, W wants to have all day outings on some weekends for our s-5. How should I act/talk during this? There seems to be some tension still. 2) W wants to talk on the phone at least once a day to discus s-5. One of my sins was not calling her enough or forgetting to call her during our M when one of us was out of town. Should I sound detached? Or do I show a careing voice?
