Trying to make is Right

[godswill]

The tough thing is that she and the kids are chronically ill and it makes it hard for them to get out or for her to get out. So it is truly a trapping situation. I never yell or insult her verbally - but I will pull away and not be as attentive or understanding. What happens is because there is such a need for a 100% invested partner when I become concerned with something else or start spending time alone -- or do not laugh at the kids jokes etc I am looked at as being abusive. Because the wire is so narrow if there is anything from me that bobbles it I am looked at as attacking them. Really truly unsure on how to make things better for her, especially when things get to this point. She needs so much help - but screams at me that I am not the person who can help - I am the cause of so much of the stress, how can I be the source of fixing. I just feel that completele pit in my stomach - and feel scrambling on how to make thigns work. Can I come home? How am I supposed to act when I am home? How do I calm her down, act "normal", and enjoy life?