I really do believe the inability or unwillingness to forgive & let go, does more damage to M's than any other one thing... And it ruins lives b/c the LBSer chooses, in effect, to stay stuck and that hurts so many people. Not just the LBSer but the kids and the family of the LBSer and NOT the WAS!! Ironically it makes it easier for the WAS to stay away b/c the lack of forgiveness eliminates the chance of a recon and makes the lbser look like the "bad guy"...
That's perfect.
If you forgive your H / W then you give them a gift too. You show them that you are compassionate, forgiving and maybe even understanding. It shows them that the door, while shut to them for the time being isn't bolted on the other side and will make their decision to return one that they can consider.
Nobody wants to come back to spend a life in eternal arguments and being reminded of the mistakes that THEY made. If you keep the anger, hurt and bitterness in your heart and head it will come out in actions, words or demeanour. It's impossible for it not too. It's the same for forgiveness, if you have that in your heart, it too will come out.
Who would you rather be with? An angry bitter H / W or a compassionate, forgiving and understanding H / W.
Forgiving isn't easy. But I feel, for me at least, it was essential. Since the day I did it I have still made mistakes (I gave my wife both barrels last week as I felt I was being walked over) but I feel better and it has allowed me to move on with my life. I WILL NOT give up on my M until D day, but whatever happens I am better prepared for it and so you will be.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
