Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

Well need some advice here...

Halloween I told exh it was ok for him to join us. We are going to a little party for a few hours and then maybe hit a few houses trick or treating.

Yesterday when he was here baby wanted almost nothing to do with him. She kept saying Mommy and wanting me to hold her. If I left the room she cried. I can tell he was getting frustrated.

Anyway last night he was texting about something random and then asked our plans for Tgiving. I said I didn't know but would probably do the usual going to my moms. He said his brother and wife (the ones I really like) and his other girls and sister are having Tgivng at his house and wanted us to join them for awhile. Now I realize he isn't asking ME to come, just baby, but obviously right now her and I are a package deal. I said I wasn't sure of the plans but I will make time for him to see baby.

What do I do?

Last night baby started getting sick. When he textd goodnight I told him she wasn't feeling well..it ended up in a conversation about how he wants his family back and is sooooo unhappy. I said he continues to have the same addictive behaviors as well as women. How can he say that?

[volleydog]

On the tgiving thing, tough one but if you like his brother and wife I'd go but separate from your EX...

On wanting his family back I'd be very very blunt with him. Let him know you think he's an addict and until he gets help there is no chance of getting back, that's to protect your D...Of course he'll push back and say he's not, you validate, say you understand but you stated what it will take to even consider it, period.

[JAK58]

SO2 In my OP I would not do the tgiving thing. The only thing it would do I feel is make xH look and feel like the perfect D/H and feed his ego.

He left, he is having A's he needs to suffer the cosequences of his actions.

Besides you don't want to be on pins and needles for Holidays do you?

Just my Op up to you.

PS: You can talk to BIL and SIL even when it isn't the Holiday can't you.

JAK

[JAK58]

SO2

How are you?

How was last night?

JAK

[Startingover2]

Hi JAK!!

Last night was GREAT! Exh ended up canceling out a few hours before. I had a feeling he would as Saturday afternoons are his prime drinking days and he knows he wouldn't be allowed around baby that way. He said he wasn't feeling well. Funny how he was well enough to go to his other D's soccer game yesterday. I was actually relieved. Sad for him as he missed out on baby. She looked so stinking cute in her pumpkin outfit and had such a good time.

So baby and I went to the party and then my oldest D20 surprised me and showed up. She was supposed to come today for a visit but came early. Her and her bf stayed at the party with us and then went T or T. It was beyond great. Baby got the hang of the whole T or T thing after the first house. She loved it. Then my other D16 and her bf were home handing out candy and we came home and all just hung out. Super good night.

Although exh during the party was wanting me to send him pics. I sent a few and then someone took a pick of baby and I which actually turned out good and I sent it to him as well. He said "so cute. I am always missing out". I didn't respond as it was his choice to miss out. He can get pity sympathy from his whacky gf.

I am going to post pics today on FB. Jak or VD...do you have FB?

So off to church and then breakfast with kids.

Smiling today....:)

[JAK58]

SO2!!!!!!

You sound soooo great. Good to see you focusing on you.
Great that your older children were there with you, makes for a great evening.

I do have face book but can hardly ever get on as H is always looking over my shoulder. He is paranoid and even admits to it.

JAK

[Startingover2]

I am having alot more good days than bad. Its nice. Just wish my finances would turn around. That is a huge worry.

It was a great weekend. Nice to spend time with my oldest. I really miss her so much. She sounds like she is on the right track though for the most part. Just wish she was on her own and not living with her bf.

Exh sent a few pity me texts early in the day and then disappeared. Married gf was probably with him so he drops off the radar. How sad of a life he has.

Ohhhhh...a gf of mine saw him at his daughters soccer game Saturday afternoon (yes, the day he was soooooo sick and couldn't be with baby). She said he was rather slurry with his words and was also really agressive with her son 13. When exh is drinking or on something he thinks he is a WWF fighter. Grabbing and being really stupidly physical. When he is sober he is quiet and normal. A sure sign he was doing something.

What a loser.

[JAK58]

He can't be to bright to think you wouldn't find out he was at a soccer game but not able to be with his baby on Halloween.
Hope you documented it!

Glad you had a good time with D even if she is with BF.

Yep Loser.

JAK

[Startingover2]

Really struggling with what to do for Thanksgiving. Exh keeps asking. The pride in me wants to say NO! You can't have your cake and eat it too. But then what is right for baby? What is right in the end?

I am really glad that I can see his emails sometimes. Pushes me back to reality. When exh was here yesterday he was talking about Tgivng and how he wants his family with him. Then we talked about baby's dedication at church. I can tell he wasn't thrilled but is willing to participate. Then the conversation came up about his married gf. He told me again that she is just temporary, not what I think it is, how unstable she is blah blah blah...then goes home and proceeds to reassure her via email that everything is fine and he isn't blowing her off like she thinks he is. What a manipulator!

Everything else is good. May meet my daughter for lunch this weekend. Long drive but worth it.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

he is all about his needs in the moment. I can see that he must be depressed, must have absolutely no respect for himself, nor see himself as a person of worth whatsoever. that's the reason for the addictions. he is miserable and it is his out.

I'm not sure what to tell you about thanksgiving. either way there are pros and cons. I think it would be good for you to go for D's sake. But if it is not something you can handle, then you probably should not. perhaps give yourself a specific amount of time and have plans so that you have to leave by that time.

either way, I understand your choice to make.

BUT! I'm glad that you've been focused on D and the fun at halloween!