Thanks for all your words and advice. Im new to this as well. Im trying everyday to detach and move on with my life. I know that there were times that she tried to express how she was feeling and I probably didnt handle the situation correctly. But with that being said ive went thru all the same things and would never have considerd just leaving. Life is a challenge and I also wasnt happy everyday but I choose to continue to live and try to make my life better.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
I also dont think people shoould stay together for the sake of the kids, but I didnt cheat,steal ,lie I wasnt abusive physically or emotionally and I dont understand beyond our financial troubles words such as I dont trust you and my heart is broken. What does that mean?
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
But with that being said ive went thru all the same things and would never have considerd just leaving. Life is a challenge and I also wasnt happy everyday but I choose to continue to live and try to make my life better.
There's nothing productive that can come out of this line of thinking. You can analyze your spouse's behavior for days, even weeks -- as I'm sure many of us on here can attest to -- and not get an answer.
You may get an answer down the road, when she is willing to talk about the relationship and work on it. But saying "I would have handled it differently" would be a bad way to go, IMO.
You and your wife are different people, and you will process pain and disappointment differently. That's going to be one of the tricks to piecing your relationship together; learning how to meet her needs better, and her learning how to meet yours better.
This isn't going to be an easy road, and it isn't going to be a quick recovery. She didn't just decide out of the blue to leave you, and she's not going to turn around and say everything is okay one day.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I also dont think people shoould stay together for the sake of the kids, but I didnt cheat,steal ,lie I wasnt abusive physically or emotionally and I dont understand beyond our financial troubles words such as I dont trust you and my heart is broken. What does that mean?
You can't trust anything she says right now, and only half of what she does.
She is still working on rationalizing her choice. The only way to make her rethink that choice right now is to not react the way she expects you to.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Ive been doing all those things. The only contact or discussions weve had have been about the children. Its always "hello" and then "by see you later". She seems so cold I dont even know this person that she has become. I wonder about myself why do I even bother with someone that left our marriage at the most difficult time in our life. When she had eveything she seemed happy buts once we lost the house she quit on us. She claims its not about that. I suspect that it is she wants to be taking care of.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
I also dont think people shoould stay together for the sake of the kids, but I didnt cheat,steal ,lie I wasnt abusive physically or emotionally and I dont understand beyond our financial troubles words such as I dont trust you and my heart is broken. What does that mean?
You can't trust anything she says right now, and only half of what she does.
She is still working on rationalizing her choice. The only way to make her rethink that choice right now is to not react the way she expects you to.
Well if she saw you as being the provider for your family, she tied alot of her security in you and if you failed to step up to the plate. to do something that made your family financially secure, that would definitely be a trust issue - don't negate this possibility, it's very real to alot of people, especially in our current financial/economic climate.
If she can't feel secure with you, she can't trust you, being a nice guy is only going to get you so far.
As far as her heart being broken, maybe there is more there than she is admitting right now - lie or not, that's a pretty strong statement.
Ive asked her before what that means. She just closes up and doesnt say anything. I understand that im suppose to my very best to take of our family. I cant control a business shutting down after being there 17 years. I cant control our house value dropping like it had. I can only do what I can and Ive always done that to the best of my abilities. She has not worked in 3 years and I did my best to keep us afloat.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
I cant believe she is okay with seeing her babies only half of her life. It just so confusing!
You don't know what she's really thinking right now, so this is all just unproductive negative mediation -- aka, worrying.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
