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cagzmom Offline OP
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I am angry today.

Saw x last night...

I told him about d13 crying, being sad and missing him. I DID IT FOR HER!! NOT for him. He does NOT deserve HER or anything in relation to their lives. BUT THEY LOVE him so I WILL do what is right.. BUT it makes me angry!!!

I am angry that he gets to be with them at Christmas. NOT sad.. ANGRY. HE DOESNT DESERVE to laugh with them or spend special time with them. BUT THEY DO.. They deserve to have him in thier lives the way that they want him.

He is a jerk who doesn't deserve love.
They are his kids who deserve a "father" and a dad.

This part of all of it stinks!!


M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again


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Yes, you are correct. He is not even close to what your kids deserve. They want any small piece of him they can get, damaged or not.

Holidays are very rough. Trust in your God, that he will turn things around for you and your children. Anticipate this nightmare ending. This can't go on forever Cagz, they can't keep this pace up forever. This small bit of knowledge gives me hope.

It is so unfair that our children suffer. It is not right, but as the saying goes, life is not fair. We have to teach our children how to handle these dark seasons.

You are an amazing and strong woman.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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Posts: 1,666
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cagzmom Offline OP
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hate days when I miss x
today is one of those days
not sad - just miss him

d13 had an overnight last night, one tonight and then off this weekend with x.... i am sure that is where the "missin" and lonely feeling is coming from

oh well - nothing i can do about it...


M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again


Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,666
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cagzmom Offline OP
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still missing x. . .
he picked up d13 - and we talked - it is wierd - we talk like we are friends... like we weren't married - but we have known each other for a long time. . . like we know the moves and teh thoughts.. but our friends..

why doesn't he see ME ?? Why??

i miss him.
i miss my friend.
i still find him attractive.

why am i not moving on?
why am i holding on to something does not exsist?


M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again


Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
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some days are like that
we see them
they look attractive
the conversation runs well
we still love them
it is normal
in many ways you have moved on
you have worked on yourself
changed ansd grown
we never know the final outcome
maybe there will always be some hope
you probably have your own answer to those last 2 questions you posted
what do you think?
peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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cagzmom Offline OP
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peace i really don't have the answers.

i guess i just keep thinking he is going to wake up from all of this and get his head out of his butt... and then finally we will be a family again.

then my brain says .. duh stupid you know better.

i have dated some guys but i am truthfully not attracted to anyone.. and i guess some days i look at my life and don't see how i would ever really find a connection with someone again.

i am moving forward- doing my own life---- just miss the benefits of a partner.. good bad and otherwise.


M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again


Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,666
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cagzmom Offline OP
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My x is passive -
nothing phases him-
he lives on -
he doesn't fight -
he doesn't care about me or my life -

and I am suppose to learn to live with this and be ok with it.


M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again


Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,525
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Thinking of you Cagz....


Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10
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Your right Cagz,
He probably does not care about anyone but himself right now.
You are just an afterthought.
That is why right now you have to make him an afterthought.
He does not deserve you or any energy you put into him.
All your thoughts and energy needs to be put on you and the kids.
Love is reciprocal. He is not capable of love.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
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Posts: 3,925
Hi C
I think they still care about us
but just from my experience with my xh
I see him in so much distress
he cant focus on anything but himself
he cant even be there for his kids
we have to go on
have faith
sent positive thoughts to x and keep going
this was never about us--if it were they would be happy now
Peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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