Young couple in need of help

[TrentC]

w:2morrow I get paid so are we talking them trick or treating? You never answered my text from yesterday?

m:W, I definitly want to take our kids together with you to go trick or treating, but I only want to go knowing you want me there. At first you said no and then you said lets make a deal. The deal is temping but I only want to come along knowing u want me there with you. Not so you can pawn me the kids that night so you can go do whatever.

w:No its fine we can take them and then you'll just have them for the night so I don't have to bring them back tomorrow morning.

M:So you want me to spend time with you and the kids then?

w:No with the kids not me, I just want us to be there for the kids and that's it. Not because I want you to spend time with me

*throws a flag on the play*

There's no point in asking her if she wants you there. She doesn't. When she does, she'll tell you.

She needs to learn that her life is going to get more complicated as a divorced parent, and that you aren't a free babysitter. A good way to handle it would have been...

W: "are we talking them trick or treating? You never answered my text from yesterday?"

You: "It was supposed to be your night to have them, so I made plans to go out."

W: "You don't want to go trick-or-treating with the kids?"

You: "It's not that; you need to have quality time alone with the kids as well. Have fun, and I'll pick them up [insert time here]."

W: "Something came up and I wasn't planning to come home until late. Can't you help?"

You: "Sure, I know a good babysitter. Here's her number; she charges $20 a night..."

I didn't respond after that. I feel like I'm doing something wrong? Is this a good thing or bad thing? way confused.

At this point, any attempt to "take her temperature" is going to result in resistance. That last response -- "I just want us to be there for the kids and that's it. Not because I want you to spend time with me." is going to be par for the course.

Just deal with her inasmuch as you need to for the kids.