But I realise now that it's not about that. It's about her admitting that what she did was wrong and admitting that she broke our family up. She would never ever do that. And that's the crux here. How long do I wait for a woman to come back to me and basically admit, not in words but in actions, that she was wrong and she made a mistake?
What do we do with these spouses to give them enough confidence to do that?
Exactly! It seems like this is the road block that is stopping many of our R’s from reconciliation. Since ‘we'’ can’t change 'them', the only thing that I can think of is that we have to let go of the past so that they can too. I’m coming to the realization that ‘they’ may never do that on their own.
My H, in a weak moment said, "if we get back together, please don't ever ask me about the past." And I just told him, “well, if you are willing to work on us and make us (me and S) the priority, then I can let the past be the past”. Then it really would be up to us to make sure we really do just look to the future and not bring up (especially when we are angry) all the hurt they have caused in that past. I’m sure somewhere deep inside they know what they did was wrong, so they probably fear that constant reminder from us. As much as I want my H to pay for all the hurt he has caused me, or maybe even just to understand, I know the only way for us to move forward is to truly forgive H and somehow give him that reassurance.
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
