I looked at our cell phone records, and he only has the usual calls and about the same number of text messages as usual.
I might be clueless, but I'd be shocked if he were having an affair. His first wife cheated on him, and he has always said divorce first then find someone else.
I hope your right. I was blocked out of my H cell phones (hmmm...think he's hiding something? haha) Of course he was!! I hired a PI and just found out "who" the OW was but nothing other than that because following/spying costs lots of $$ and I'm at a point where I don't care anyway any longer. If he chooses to cheat, he has to live with himself and the fact that he was unfaithful. You have to take the high road and keep your chin up. Seems like your H may just be going through MLC-type stuff.
Even if you find stuff he will deny deny deny so be sure you want to open up that can can of worms. If you confront, they will run even further.
But ultimately, there can't be any reconciliation of the marriage until or unless the other person is out of the picture.
If you find proof, hold onto it until you need to use it.
If you don't find proof but are sure something is going on anyway, all you can really do is work on yourself and hope that the changes are enough to bring them back around. And be prepared for the "I've been seeing someone else" bomb...
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
yes, I totally agree and I also know that for repair of the M that subject will need to come out and be addressed. My H is not there and I'm not sure if he ever will be. I feel he just wants to forget everything which is NOT what I ever would consider because I would never want to be back where we started in the first place. However, if he was willing to be honest, show empathy for his actions, confirm OW was out of picture and have a true desire to work on M then I think I would accept that. If not, then limboland still looms but I am moving on with or without.
However, if he was willing to be honest, show empathy for his actions, confirm OW was out of picture and have a true desire to work on M then I think I would accept that.
If there is an affair and the other person ends it, you must insist on transparency. He has to be able to show you that he is not in contact, on demand -- email and phone unlocked and available to you, you handle the cellphone bill so you can check for suspicious numbers, etc.
Is it an invasion of privacy? He broke his commitment to you, and needs to make restitution if reconciliation is going to work. It's more of a matter of rebuilding trust, which will require verification.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Ugh! This would be so much easier without kids. He just called to see how our son did last night, and when I told him my son literally slept on top of me because he didn't want me to leave, my H got mad and said I don't want the details. Why ask then? Did he expect me to say things are hunky dory?
Ugh! This would be so much easier without kids. He just called to see how our son did last night, and when I told him my son literally slept on top of me because he didn't want me to leave, my H got mad and said I don't want the details. Why ask then? Did he expect me to say things are hunky dory?
Yes, he did.
He's probably thinking "the kids will be okay with this once the divorce is final". Don't shield him from the consequences of his actions, but you don't need to rub his nose in it either.
I think your response was just fine.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
At least he is asking. Believe me, he is angry right now. My H was so awfully cruel and mean to me and blamed me for him leaving. They do this to justify their behavior. It is easier for them when they "hate" you. That's why it's important to stay strong, upbeat, cordial. I did everything wrong in the beginning but I was in shock. My H has been out for almost 4 months and we have made no progress as far as communication goes. We have been intimate which I would hope would open him up but he says he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. I personally have made a mental note though that 6 months is my end.
