I can't say that I see her statement on the 401K as being a change. She has been consistent. She wants to complain about being unhappy, make you as miserable as possible, and stay married. She has not budged.
Lotus, Funny that you say that as the thought occurred to me that the entire principle of GAL was based on our spouses behaving in this fashion. Almost as if the are saying I'll have none of this you being free and happy crap. Now get back her and help me be miserable.
I'm joking of course.
Thinker, just keep plowing through. Your W is fully capable of calling a time out if she wants to. Just be careful not be on the end of a string.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Simply saying she can delay or stop the D process at any point in time by saying "maybe we should re-think this". My assumption is she knows you don't want a D so you have left the door open. She also knows that you won't settle for living in a state of limbo.
The 401K reaction could be one of 101 different things going on in her mind. She didn't say let's hold off doing that cause we may still be married. Your kind of jumping to a conclusion and setting yourself up for a huge letdown.
I know your looking for that one moment (heck we all are) where this all changes but as far as I can tell that moment is a myth. Your M didn't turn on one event so neither will your reconciliation. Living with this in mind helps a little with the roller coaster.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
I know your looking for that one moment (heck we all are) where this all changes but as far as I can tell that moment is a myth. Your M didn't turn on one event so neither will your reconciliation. Living with this in mind helps a little with the roller coaster.
That is a great post C-bart! Thinker how are you doing?
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
It was a calm discussion. She wanted to talk about the c session today, and that lead right to it. She asked what I was thinking and I told her.
I told her that I wanted a D. I said I deserved to be with someone who loved me. She said defensively "I do love you, just not the way you need to be...". I replied "I need to be with someone who wants to be with me, who can be emotionally intimate with me, who wants to have sex with me, and who can tell me honestly that they love me.". She just replied "I'm sorry"
We talked a bit about the next steps and groundrules: we are each going to consult a L, and the schedule with a mediator. We aren't goping to tell family, friends, or the kids yet. We are going to work out a schedule that allows us to spent time apart while still sharing the household and childcare workload.
We talked about moving. She doesn't want to as her friends and nascent career are here. Neither of us will be able to afford to live here.
I asked her to move into the guest room and she agreed.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
