What to do when H doesn't contact?

[K4D]

Not to dash your hopes, God does restore and heal marriages. But he does it for people who have truly turned to him to change them and people who truly put the work into changing theirselves. Is the WAS truly deceived, yes and no. Yes because they may be living an immoral life. But that is between them and God. And no, because they had to get out of a situation that wasn't good for them. Most generally for guys it was that the guy pushed their W out of the M. The guy has to accept responsibility for this and look at themselves and not point the finger at their W. The W simply responded to what the H had done to her. The kids are paying the price because of what the H has done, not because the W responded how she did. Until guys realize this and accept this and change themselves, they can't expect to see any change in their circumstances.

In your sitch, I don't know what all the issues were. And I am not saying you are to fully blame here if at all. But let him go and focus on you and your kids and your R with God. If you are only praying to God to have your M restored, you don't really have a R with God. You are using him to get what you want. God is no idiot and knows this. There is nothing wrong with praying for your H to return as long as that is not the basis of your R with God. But change you first and let God worry about your H. As I read somewhere, it is my job to love and cherish my W. It is Gods job to help her become a loving W. It is my job to constantly earn the privelage of her love by loving and serving her unconditionally without any expectations, dying to myself and my own desires and wants, and trusting in God and not myself and other people. It is my job to meet her needs without expecting mine to be met especially since I have given every reason to not meet my needs. It is my job to allow the healing process to take place and not try and manipulate the healing process. It is my job to respect her boundaries because I love her unconditionally. Again, die to myself.

Quit thinking about will he come back if you do this or that long enough. The answer is no unless you are doing the changes permanently without knowing if he will come back. That is the true test. If you are willing to make these changes for the rest of your life without any certainty that he will come back, you have a shot at it. But if these changes are only to get him back, you will eventually fail and give up.

Trust me, been there. Am there. Am learning now what it truly means after over a year of being clueless.

Kevin