What to do when H doesn't contact?

[K4D]

Trust US though, if you start GAL, for real, he'll notice and react, and yet, you must do this for yourself, not just to get him back. If you "GAL" to get him back that is a form or pursuit which is also manipulating and merely a tactic. NOT A 180 and NOT A REAL CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE....GAL has to be real and for you.

I agree with 25 here. No invites. Stop pursuing. Stop trying to GAL to see if he notices.

The problem I recently have had with rejoice ministries and this is not their fault, but other peoples fault such as my own. People think that if you just pray them out, they will come back. This isn't true. They left of a reason or multiple reasons. In my own case, I created the world I live in. Had I been the H I should have been, this would not have happened. I can pray all I want for my W, but if I don't learn to pray for myself and analyze what I need to change for me and my family, God is not going to lead my W back into an alcoholic abusinve relationship. And if I succeed in changing me to please God, maybe he will work on her to come back. But there are no guarantees that she will. If you are praying to God to bring your H back but not truly changing who you are to please God with no expectations in return other than your own personal salvation, you are essentually using God and not loving God. This is a revelation that I did not understand and did not want to agree with people such as 25 on. I just recently discovered this as I read about someone else who was doing just that and it made me think, omg, that is me, what am I doing? No wonder nothing has changed. It was all just a form of control and manipulation. It was judging my W and not taking responsibility for the fact that I pushed her out of this M. I made her scared of me and untrusting of me. I did this. Now my girls are having to deal with what I created, not with what my W created. I can no longer point the finger at my W. I pushed her out. And the only way she will ever think about coming back is if I have changed for me and God and for no other reason than the love of God. If I am even in the slightest making a change to get my W back, then I am not fully changing myself for God. It is still a control and manipulation technique.

Anyways, that was probably a bit more than you were looking for. But the point is, I see you trying to manipulate and control the situation. You aren't letting go and letting God. These things you are doing to GAL will change if he ever comes back because you are doing it to get him back. It won't work. Trust me, I have been and am still there. I am having to die to myself everyday and realize I have to do this for me. You have to do the same thing. If you truly change for you, he might come back. He might not. But if you are doing this to get him back, you will eventually quit because it is not real. I know, I have been there and done exactly that. I am about as hard headed as they come which 25 will vouch for. But I am learning. And it is the hardest thing in the world to truly understand what it means to truly give up any form of control and manipulation. You cannot have any expectations for your H. None. The only expectations you can have are to change you because you need to change. If you can truly do this for you, then there is a chance he will come back. But if there is a shred of doing it for him, don't count on it. And even if he does come back and you weren't 100% doing this for you, he will leave again.

I saw no change in my situation because I thought I was doing it the right way. Oh the time 25 spent trying to get me to wake up. Nothing I did was truly sincere as I thought it was. It wasn't.

Remember this, true change is for you because you love God. True change will be tested when you don't get your way after a certain amount of time. That is when the test will be have you truly changed. If you revert back to your old ways even briefly, then you haven't really changed for the right reasons which is for you, God, and your kids. You have got to let your H go. You have got to realize that God knows better than you and everything He does or allows, there is a reason for that we may not understand.

The sooner you can let go and realize this, the better off you will be. 25 is right. I was wrong. You can't use God to change your H unless you first allow him to change you and really change you because you love and want to please God. Then and ONLY then if you have succeeded there, you might get your H back. Maybe. This doesn't mean give up on your H. It means, let him go, trust in God, and work on you with no expectations. If you have expectations, you aren't working on you.

Kevin