Yikes! Need help, please.

[TrentC]

Welcome to the boards. Sorry you find yourself here, but it's a good place to be.

Hopefully I can put this out here in a way that makes sense. About a week ago, I was out socializing with my husband and some friends, everything seemed normal.

Prior to that, he told me that he wanted to make a better effort to make some friends (he was always home), and I told him that was a good idea. He started hanging out with some co-workers. I really didn't have a problem with that. Sometimes, because he works far away, he would stay at one of his co-workers homes rather than drive late at night. I also agreed with that.

One week later, he proclaims that he is done with the marriage. It feesl a little MLC to me, but who knows? We have 4 children (oldest is 11).

It feels a little more like he has someone on the side, and is thinking of trading up. Announcing that he's going to start staying out late and spending the night at "a co-worker's" place? Suddenly deciding to end the marriage out of the blue? Hmmm...

I asked him if he was willing to go to counseling, and he said no. About 2 weeks ago, he said that his kids were most important to him and he would do anything to make sure that they were happy.

...which includes tearing their family apart, right?

Rule number one: Don't believe anything that they say and only half of what they do right now. Except for the part where he doesn't want to go to counseling -- that will come later.

I told him I would take the kids and go to my parents, but later decided that he should go. It's too hard for me to deal with limited space and 4 kids. I made arrangements for him to go to my parents for a bit. My parents live very near by.

He should have had to find his own place to stay, but you did pretty good; he's the one choosing to go, he needs to start making the big life adjustments.

Two days ago he texted me and asked if he would be allowed to come with us for Trick or Treat and to a party my friend is having. I told him he was welcome if he wanted to come. He said ask the kids if they wanted thim to go. I really didn't think that was a good idea, so I didn't ask. I haven't told him I don't plan to ask. I was gonna wait to see what happened.

There's no reason to ask your kids. He wants to pull them into the middle of this by making them choose. Way to make them happy no matter what... :P

You can lie and say that you asked them, or you can tell the truth and say "It's not fair to ask them; I don't think you should come."

I have no plans to contact or speak to him in any way, other than helping my son call him to say goodnight.

Good job!