Have gone back to this as my original thread. I understand starting too many makes things confusing. Where things are at now.... of course contact was resumed. Of course H didn't tell me, I confronted and he admitted. H claims they are "winding things down" and I supposed to be patient and let him do that on his own time frame. How I am supposed to be able to trust that
You're not. It's bullshit. "Getting closure," and "winding things down," is just fogged-out infidelity cake-eating. Until he agrees to 100% no-contact and full transparency, you need to treat this as if he is still in a full-blown affair.
I don't remember, is he still living in your home? What boundaries, if any, have you established?
