I don't remember if I read this or got this from counseling but it is important to set an allotted amount of time to talk about the past/affair/hurt and then put it away for the rest of the day. I think the recommended time was an hour. It is really important for the spouse that left to realize that there is a lot of pain, trust issues etc and he/she may have to hear that quite a bit for a while. Those hurts just don't "go away".

It is equally important that the LBS realize that it may feel as if they are rubbing salt in the wounds for the WAS. Try to grow during this hour and not just say the same thing over and over. There is pain and hurt on both sides. The WAS has to realize that things that have transpired just can't be swept under the rug, they have to be addressed to help protect both parties from coming to this same road again.

Can you tell I am a psych major?? smile (Yeah I know, it didn't help me much when all this happened to me, I imploded.)

kat

Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory