So scary. I see both my W and myself in some of what is written on cognitive distortion. Time to work on changing my thoughts.
This realization is what hit me yesterday. If I change my thought that I will be alone or lonely the rest of my life (which is unreasonable) to I will be happy, then the emotions fall in line. So that was the part for ME.
For my W, I see what you probably saw in your's. My W has used statements such as "people can't change" and "my feelings towards you will never, ever change." Both very absolute and negative terms. I realize she really believes these thoughts. Which is why she does not want me or our M. The problem we can see is that her thoughts are not reasonable. I'm not suggesting she has no reason to feel the way she does. She does. I am not innocent here.
Now, "I" am not the same "ME" towards whom she has those negative thoughts and emotions. That old "ME" is gone and isn't coming back no matter what happens with my M. But, so long as she believes those absolute statements, she is not likely to want to work on our M.
So the point of my last rambling is I work on "paralell paths" as Coach says. I prepare for the possibility (probability?) I will be D'd. At the same time, however, I continue to DB by showing love and compassion towards my W and GAL'ing and all the other things we do. And I don't get upset over what she says/does b/c I have no control over that.
