Theo - My focus with the kids is not to help my x have a relationship with them for his sake; it is to minimize the damage to THEM. Any attack or harsh words towards him cuts into the kids - they are made of both of us. My son knows what happened; my daughter will come to know as she is mature enough to absorb the reality at her own pace. They also saw the enormous amount of pain and hurt I went through that I just couldn't hide - but that only makes it more important for them to see me survive / thrive afterwards.
Kerry - Thanks for the link - that is the therapy model most often used by my therapist. I am just a stubborn case She asked me what would have been the best-case scenario for when I met up with x in the store with D10....I immediately jump to "That her parents didn't get a f'ing divorce!" I think she gets exasperated, sometimes...
I was thinking about it the other day...I just have to embrace that I am divorced, go beyond accepting it. I get that I am, but I'm still pissed off about it (while at the same time, seeing how the marriage couldn't be restored, or even wanting it to be).
I think I might feel guilty, holding back on myself embracing it - then, I condemned my kids to a broken home / second-best, too. After fighting so long for an intact family, it is hard to come to believe that this may have been the best outcome.
