I posted in the newcomers but needed advice

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you all for the GREAT ADVICE:)
The OW or supposed OW or whatever the heck you want to call the b* is getting under my skin...she is so fake I cannot stand it. She pretends to run because I run..she pretends her child goes to a private school because my child does. I cannot get over it. I really cannot. The ONLY reason I am jealous of her is because my H wanted her and NOT ME! Other than that why pretend to be someone you are not? It IRKS the crap out of me. I changed the pictures on my desk..what do you know the Wh*()*&*(& changes her pictures..She spends all day texting someone and emailing and I cannot help but think is it my H. Let us keep in mind that she 3 CHILDREN..3! I cannot STAND people that are fake.
HELP! She does this SH** on purpose. How do I get over this. This has been 3 years of my life trying to be better than her. Better because my H wanted her...and I think okay..I have stopped nagging, I keep the house clean..I have lost 50 lbs..what the H*** is wrong with me. I NEVER talk about the R.
I have made some pretty big changes..yet...the ex OW(my ex bfriend) I will never get over the fact that even though she is a lying, coniving, B** who is so fake she cannot get her own head out of her a** I am so freaking jealous of and I dont know why..I do..I do know..because he could love her but never me! Oh I am so darn annoyed and frustrated right now..I feel like she is trying to steal my life and my identity and i am not kidding!

Lose the anger or you'll validate his choices. As difficult as letting go of it is, the anger is consuming you. So It doesn't matter if forgiving him seems unfair b/c he's been a jerk and so has she...YOU are being destroyed from the inside. Thus, you must forgive him and let go of this and forgiveness is NOT condonation of an A, nor does it mean it can happen again, or that you are over it, or think it was justified. But without forgiveness, you cannot move forward in your life. Without forgiveness, your h cannot return to you even if he wanted to. Without forgiveness, your children cannot be happy or at peace. Without forgiveness, you cannot be happy or at peace. IT really is not about you being right; it's about being happy.

You have to detach (read about it on this site) and stop letting someone else's "weather" affect your personal climate. LET IT GO...read some Marianne williamson books on "Return to Love" for exercises that helped me, or some other books on forgiveness. I didn't know how to forgive as I never saw it growing up really. Also, you do NOT have to tell your h or OW or anyone that you forgive him. It's not about them at all. This really is FOR YOU and your kids b/c as we can all see and as you know, the anger, the holding onto the pain, is consuming you. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS CONCEPT...IT'S A TOUGH ONE...AND the withholding of forgiveness damns more marriages than anything else, in my opinion. You won't attract anything positive with that holding onto anger stuff going on. Yeah, it's hard. Like Mother Teresa hard. I KNOW...trust me, I know. But it's so worth it no matter what happens. And ironically it does help the M's...but it's also not about that. Know what I mean? Kind of like the 180's and GAL are not about getting them back; they're for us, yet paradoxically they increase the chance of a reconciliation...

God bless you, and I'm sending prayers your way.
(( J- ))