Goodfight, You are asking the same questions and not really processing the responses. Let me be blunt b/c I think you need it, but know i come from a good place as does Kaini... Please read the DB books and re-read Kaini's post to you and note her position. Her h wants back into their m now. I'm in a "div busted" sitch. We have something to say to you so please learn from our mistakes and our good choices... Stop pursuing & Stop having expectations.
Stop asking the same questions hoping to get a diff answer. You must detach and there are sites here on this board devoted just to detachment. Do not confuse it with giving up. But detach and do it fast. And GAL.
I've posted so often about this and it's NOT complicated. Yes it is hard, but it's simple. What 180's are you doing? Have you actually read the books that MWD wrote on this? Seriously....what mistakes do you think you made before that you are not making now? What were you like when you dated?
PLease stop the pursuits and don't set your kids up for pain and your h up for failure. Here's some db advice I got from a db coach, which I HIGHLY recommend you get. VERY helpful. Let go of the anger/pain you feel, at least in front on your h & kids and for your sake, at some point, let go of it for you.
Listen like a lover when he calls. Validate his feelings and applaud the 1% of positives he does BUT set and enforce boundaries so you are not a doormat. Do not pursue as that is pressure. No invites from you. NONE. He can try to insert himself to something, or invite you to something on his days, but you cannot invite HIM and you need to be too busy in your "new interesting life with fascinating people doing fun things, to accept all the offers he'll eventually start making, (we hope). And if he doesn't invite you to anything ever ever again...you will have behaved with dignity and moved along with your life that much faster.
Trust US though, if you start GAL, for real, he'll notice and react, and yet, you must do this for yourself, not just to get him back. If you "GAL" to get him back that is a form or pursuit which is also manipulating and merely a tactic. NOT A 180 and NOT A REAL CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE....GAL has to be real and for you.
What are you doing to GAL? What 180's are you displaying? How are you modelling for your children how to handle adversity and heartbreak with dignity and hope and strength? Make plans for you and the kids for the holidays asap. Assume your h won't be around. Do not invite him unless he asks first and even then, don't answer quickly. I would have NO expectations and if you do invite him and he accepts, I'd say there's a 50% chance he won't show anyhow OR if he does, he'll withdraw afterwards....back off please.
Good luck, At least he's on his meds and told you about that. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
