Hi C,
How are you doing? I hope things are going oK for you. I really appreciated your comments on my thread.
Originally Posted By: Gardener
clueless,
Originally Posted By: clueless
How do you know if you should save the marriage? I mean I know that this is a community committed to the idea that the default should be to save the marriage. I appreciate that. But not all should be saved right? I know MWD would argue that unless there is abuse or whatever that the marriage should be saved. But do you guys have doubts? I would love to hear from someone who has wrestled with if rather than just how a marriage should be saved.
Everyone has to wrestle and answer that for him/herself.
For my part, I have given up. I am done. I have gotten no results DBing with my wife. She chose to leave before and instead of telling me there was a problem first. She left rather than stay and repair. We were very soulmate-close and always did whatever it took to smooth over bumps in our path as they came along.Not this time. She left. She is a completely different, cold and distant person. and I am now at the point of just deeply, deeply disappointed in her and I don't want the person she's become back.


C, I am asking myself this same question. It's hard to feel like the M should be saved when my H isn't communicating w me for a month. I think what MWD says is keep trying as long as YOU still believe there's hope, or still feel like trying. So I think the answer is always up to the DBer, who's been trying to save the M. Just my 2 cents.

Gardener, Your post resonated w me. It sounds like my H, that is what happened to me. When H dropped the bomb, he immediately said it was too late. THen he left. ONe thing my C has said that is helpful is that what is going on w H is not about me, and that could be same with your W. I'm not saying things were perfect but it's that unwillingness to even talk about why this happened, something so core to our M, that I still even after 6 months just cannot believe it sometimes.