Ahhh, you really brought a smile to my face reading about you GAL. That is what I have wanted to hear! I think you do need this time for yourself. I do not want you to feel guilty for enjoying life. You deserve to have fun, okay? I don't think you should feel guilty b/c you are hesitant in your decisions about the MR. Of course you want it to work....and that is what you have told your W since the beginning. I don't think it is necessary to keep trying to "prove" it--when you have openly told her your wishes of wanting to show her how much you would work the second time around. My honest thoughts are that you have grown to the place where you can see the need to continue in this area of growth. It is making you a better, more rounded-out man. You are showing attractive traits, and no co-dependency. It has been very healthy, so why wouldn't you want a little more time doing this?
The thing that worries me about you going to C with your W is that certain history is going to be dug up all over again...in order for her to rehash it and be able to forgive. Do you see this happening without negative emotions? I don't think so. Just as you are reaching a very good place in your life....she wants you to recap all the cr@p the two of you went through in order for her to forgive you. But...she wants you there b/c she wants you to go through the cr@p with her. I don't get why you should have to do that. And, if she has some big secret that you don't know about, maybe it is "you" that will have some forgiving to do. Maybe she needs a C there in order to tell you what her secret is.
Your C sounds okay, but I would not trust hers enough to subject myself to go through that mess. She now choses to "bait" you just enough by saying...."if something more happens, then great"? That's the pits! Why should you have to be subject to that in order to be a good parent with her? I'm sorry, but I don't buy it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
