Year 2...and still breathing!

[whatisis]

Hey, has anybody out there ever been for a massage and then ache like hell the next day? Part of my recovery plan is to get a massage every week for a month and each time my body is killing me the next day. I feel weak and then the anxiety starts sneaking in there. I also get a Chiropractic treatment while I'm there, a double whammy I suppose.
Anybody ever tried Valarian for sleep or anxiety? I'm toying with the idea rather than using Lorazepam. The doctor suggested I use the Lorazepam five nights and then be off two nights and hopefully that would put my sleep pattern back in gear. Also the Chiro suggested I take 600- 750 mg of Magnesium daily and 1200-1500 Calcium to help loosen up the muscles a bit. Why do I feel like I'm a friggin mess I'm gonna try and do some Yoga at least three nights a week on my own and see if that helps too.
I'm still pretty pissed off! I went through years of hell trying to save my marriage, then separated like the poster boy for successful separations and now one lousy little virus knocks me on my ass for three and a half months and I'm having a heck of a time bouncing back. I'm just so damn tired sometimes. Don't fear though, Whatis can still enjoy his days but it's a lot harder than before this damn virus hit. It's been a month since it seems to have vacated my body but the clean up is killing me!!!!!
Well, enough babble for one night. Sleep tight DBers

[whatisis]

Well, it's Wednesday and time for the Whatis crisis of the week. This weeks gem is that STBX phoned me to say she found used condoms in D15's room. She allows D and bf to spend time together after school at her place. She put rules down as to where they are to be e.g. no bedrooms or basement. They are to be in the living room and kitchen only. D12 is also home so it was felt this would be OK. Uh uh. So when STBX caught them a few weeks ago in an area they were not to be she banned bf for three days and had a heart to heart with D about sexuality. So tomorrow night we have to sit down try to discuss this in a loving way but also let her know that sexual activity is not permitted in our homes...period. We'll discuss how this choice on her part was made and try to share what we think and know from experience and listen to her. Sounds like a fun night eh! Bet she storms out at some point. I told STBX that we absolutely cannot show anger or it will be over before it starts. STBX said her first reaction is to set down rules and punishments etc and that is why she wants to wait till tomorrow night because she knows that is not the way to go. Now, to be fair, I had a fleeting thought of getting out my old police baton and beating the living sh!t out of the bf...but that passed quickly Any advice out there besides take a Lorazepam before I go (which I won't!)HELP!

[BeingMe]

Tell her you love her and then that you feel that becoming sexually active so young may not be the best way to go -- it may be detrimental to her health, her psychological wellbeing, her reputation (I know, everyone is doing, right?) etc. You can list all those reasons and more while trying to stay calm. Ask her if she has any questions and answer them as best you can. Let her know that this behaviour is not welcome in your homes because it sets a bad example for her younger sibling. Finally, commend her on the fact that she used condoms to protect her from unwanted pregnancy and VD.

Not an easy convo, that's for sure.

[whatisis]

Sounds like a plan to me, Being Me! You spell it out quite briefly but intelligently. Thanks. Yes, there are many reasons to oppose this kind of behaviour, especially at her age. I read somewhere that 18% of condoms break during use. Would anyone take a plane that crashed 18% of the time? I think not! I also have a friend who, when his wife left him, went seeking validation and knocked up a woman. She had the baby as she wouldn't have an abortion. The baby was born with a heart defect and died in my friends arms ten days later. Was it worth the validation? I have another friend whose daughter had an abortion and six months later she was still having nightmares about the fetus she terminated. Was it worth it for her? How the heck can a 15 year old even fathom these kinds consequences. Hell, her and bf haven't even been to a movie together and they're bonking each other in her mothers house!!!! I guess a few trips to the mall is now considered serious R material. OK, calm down, put the baton away...that's it...relax Whatis, maybe it's just handjobs. Anyway, thanks for dropping by Being Me.

[Reincarnated]

Wii -

I was caught with my x when I was 16 (left the condom in the garbage where mom found it). My parents did all the wrong things; I won't get into that. I think that BeingMe covered a good plan.

I think I "fell" for it so young because, while everyone was just saying - Tell the boy No - no one told me about the intense physical drive. I was completely taken off-guard by that magnet-feeling. Ever see a cat in heat? I was able to relate! I think if someone had told me about it earlier, I would have been more ready for it.
I also know that there was no putting that horse back in the stall, if you know what I mean...

Good luck with the talk, Wii. I know that you will be sensitive. As crazed as my mother got, my father just gave me a hug and said I love you.
And he didn't kill my then-boyfriend (bet he regrets that, now, looking down!)

[whatisis]

Donna, STBX found the condom in the garbage too! Am I the only person in this world who thinks it's common sense to flush it down the toilet? STBX says "wouldn't that clog the toilet"?
OMG

[BeingMe]

You were meant to know and now you do. As Donna points out, though, the horse is out of the barn. Perhaps, she should go on the pill, but still include the condom? But, really, she should be told all the things you said, but gently, and I agree with all of them, but the hormones want what the hormones want. (Gosh, I know how awful it is to be even thinking these things, let alone discussing it with your baby girl.) My eldest is 29, married, a mother and I still can't handle the idea of someone putting their hands on her, even her husband.

Take care.

[Reincarnated]

Absolutely, the pill, and the doctor visit. She needs to be educated. Did she get the vaccine, Guard...(can't remember the rest) - helps protect from major viruses that cause cervical cancer.

[whatisis]

yes, daughter did get the vaccination and STBX has already said she will take her to the doctor for education on birth control options. I'm thinking the combination of old M.P. baton and BF's private parts could still be an an important part of any well balanced plan. Just something to consider...it's important to think outside the box, you know.

[BeingMe]

Or, put bf in the box, and mail it to Timbuktu! I wish I could do that to my D22's idiot bf. But, there are stupid laws that prohibit some things. ~sigh~ So, we have to educate our daughters as much as possible.