Hope and heartache

[mishka422]

Really, is there anything better than making a lasting memory.

Nothing like it at all!

My son's 13th birthday was right before the bomb. I had been arranging a surprise for his entry into his teen years for 6 months. I took him to see Keith Urban in Birmingham and lucked into seats right on the catwalk. He gave Keith Hi 5's all evening, got a guitar pick and shook hands with him and Gary Allen. He was in HOG HEAVEN. Of course, that was the first concert I had ever taken him to and I'll never be able to top it unless I get backstage somehow.

Enjoy every memory you can create. You will need to hold on to them to keep from wanting to kill them when they are teenagers.

[ClingingToHope]

Finishing up some stuff at work and cruising the forums. Tomorrow is going to be an extremely strange day for me. I meet with an attorney at 11:30 a.m. I have another meeting scheduled at 1 p.m. on Friday.

Boss knows about it. She's been divorced.

It still seems surreal that I'm meeting with someone to talk about rights and such, but I've been living in limboland for five months and every time I turn around W is doing something else to prepare for D or eliminate me from her life.

I noticed today that she even took my mom's photo down from the family wall. I'd been replaced months ago by pictures of her two drunk uncles who did nothing but mooch off her grandmother until she died.

I wonder about detaching. Is detaching not caring? Is detaching erasing the feelings? That's what it feels like.

[givingitmyall]

I wonder about detaching. Is detaching not caring? Is detaching erasing the feelings? That's what it feels like.

No, it isn't. I don't think it has anything to do with feelings.

It is getting comfortable and accepting that if you end up D'd, you will be ok. It is realizing you have no control over that aspect, and letting go of the result. So, you focus on you and improving yourself.

It doesn't mean you won't hurt, miss, be mad, or have resentment at times. But it means despite those feelings, you know you're going to be just fine when the dust settles.

It also involves unhitching your happiness from her's. Not making your happiness depend on whether she is in a good mood or upon something you expect her to do or say.

[Kemper]

ClingingToHope,

This is a great link that GIMA gave me awhile back on detachment. If you have some time take a read

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

[ClingingToHope]

Just finished my consultation with a L. He's a nice enough guy. He set me straight on a few things. To divorce, we're looking at bankruptcy because W ran up such huge credit card debt that there's no way she can take enough of it on.

The only way I can negotiate a lower CS payment is if we have 50/50 physical custody. I can't see W and W's L going for that.

L suggested I begin keeping a calendar of my day-to-day, week-to-week responsibilities.

I'm paying her too much right now. I'm chipping in on a couple of loans we took out together, but she's not chipping in at all on the credit card debt.

His point is I have two options, continue to pay and hope we somehow patch things up, or tell her I'm not paying that extra amount any more and risk angering her into filing.

I run the risk of a judge saying well he's getting along fine on that payment, keep it at that level.

I do not want that.

Two other issues and I think I've got a proposal. My mom gave me my grandmother's wedding ring to marry W. It's a $3,500 ring. I want that back. L said typically the rings are considered gifts.

Well, her car is paid for and I'm making payments. W's car blue books at $6,700. I'll either forego half of her car or take a lower chunk of her retirement in exchange for the ring.

Funny, I thought I'd be more emotional. But when it comes to discussing money, I've always been clinical. Now it's a dollars and cents game.

I doubt W knows I'm seeing a L. How should I tell her?

[givingitmyall]

I doubt W knows I'm seeing a L. How should I tell her?

Is there any reason to tell her right now?

[ClingingToHope]

If I broach the subject about lowering what I'm paying her right now, I'll bet she asks why? I could say, well I finally consulted an attorney after you told me you'd be filing soon.

[Steve McQueen]

I doubt W knows I'm seeing a L. How should I tell her?

you dont. you wait for her to file or file yourself.

what you want to get into an argument?

[ClingingToHope]

I'm not going to file, but I also want to stop chipping in on a couple of loans we took out together before I moved out since she's not chipping in on the huge credit card bill she ran up.

Just bringing it up will start an argument.

[ClingingToHope]

Have the girls for the next four days. They are both still hacking up lungs. W called. Now she thinks she might be good enough to take D10 trick or treating on Saturday night. I told her it did not matter to me. If she doesn't feel well, D10 will go with D7 and me. Either way, D10 ends up back with me. It's my weekend. We're doing church on Sunday and I'm taking them shopping to put together their Christmas list.

Of course, the way they sound right now, neither may make it to trick or treating.

W will get to see them Saturday for a couple of hours. She's taking them T&T at her work.

She sounded tired. She finally made it back to work, stayed until 7:30 p.m. and said she had more erands to run.

Her job is a killer. I wouldn't want it. I remember at least on two occasions she tried to get me to apply for executive openings at her job.

I love my job. Even if I'd make $10,000 more I wouldn't want to work there. Long hours, little satisfaction, no one knows who you are and few professional people around.

It was weird talking to her tonight after seeing a L. Can't explain it. I still can't shake this belief we'll never actually get divorced. But that's my heart talking. My head knows the papers should be coming soon.