Hey Sweetie......you sure have a popular thread here....so many friends.
I know you're tired of all this and have a lot on your mind, but I am curious as to what you think "dropping the rope" really is. I get the idea from your posts that you see it as totally "giving up". I believe that is why you are afraid of doing it. If you have time, I would like to hear your thoughts as to how you see dropping the rope.
Another thing I noticed was your comment about Coach reminding us to "lead", but you used that comment in a response where you had pursued. Do you see this being the same thing?
You spoke of finding the middle ground between being in limbo and pressuring, but as Coach has pointed out to you...it is about making choices. There is a vast difference. Maybe I am the one who is not putting what you said in proper context.
I see the entire DB concept based on attitude and choices. You said you started getting pretty good at GAL and when your W warmed up to you then you got lazy. I'll venture out and say that you were GAL as a ploy to get your W to warm up to you. Now, mind you, I tell people that all the time....but the main purpose it to do it for yourself...not to get your S back. I do believe it helps in making the LBS more interesting and attractive, but not to the degree that it works if you aren't doing it for your own improvement. Many men have admitted to doing the same thing. They would say they stopped doing what worked...and then their WAW would head for the door. So each time, the LBH has to work harder at DBing b/c the changes did not stick. That's not to say that once a couple reconciles that the LBS should go out on the town almost every night, but I do think they should continue to do things for themselves....for several reasons, and I think you already know what they are.
When you spoke of getting away for a few days....the way you stated that post made me wonder if you were a little mixed up about some of the things different ones have pointed out. When your heart and mind is so troubled and trying to remember all the advise people give, there's no wonder some time away would help. I think you should do it!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
