I met with my C today. Yesterday I called my W and asked that she call him and explain what our goals are in going to C. In her words Monday, she said "I will go to counseling, but I am going to learn to forgive you and trust you for the benefit of continuing to be good parents. I don't want to give you any hope here, if something more happens, then great". So when she asked why it wasn't clear to me, I was very specific. She agreed to email me her goals so I could explain them to the C today. I told her I didn't want to mis-interpret what she wanted. She ended up calling him and talking for 35 minutes.
Today, I met with him. He said she was very confused. He said that in their conversation she said several times that she didn't want to give me hope. He said he felt her words were inconsistent and she did admit that her counselor is not helping her. We've seen my counselor before for M counseling.
She asked him about my progress (why? I have no idea, if she continues to want divorce...why?). he told me he said that I was making consistent and good progress and that he has always had a road map of where I need to be going and I am consistently ahead of him on it and doing well.
So, he felt the same way you Do Sandi. He said that forgivness is something that she needs to work on, not me. However he did say that it is an opportunity for me to be with her in a neutral environment and said that he would be fine meeting together or seperatly.
Now, something has started happening to me. I talked about it a lot with my C today. He says it is part of the detachment process. It is normal and healthy. It makes me feel sad. Basically, I am living. I am going out. I have met so many new friends, reconnected with old ones, even had women hit on me (good SE booster, esspecially when they are 10 years younger then you....no, I didn't do anything). I've done ever stranger things on my weekends. I did a giant Fish Boil with a bunch of friends, lost an eyebrow in that. The next weekend I went on a golf outing with a big group of friends. This past weekend I butchered chickens. I'm sort of doing my bucket list, but making it up as I go. This weekend, I think...not sure, Karaoke.
I am ENJOYING my time alone. Alot. I loev my kids, I am with them now and they leave over the next two days to go with Mom to a wedding. So, the weekend is mine. I'm not sad or dreading it, I am excited for it.
These are the things that the counselor feels shows that I am detaching and rebuilding myself. He said these are all very good and that I will always have the option of deciding to work on my M if that opportunity presents itself. It will just be a decision I need to make but did say that the longer that this goes on, generally the hard it will be to decide to work on it.
The bottom line is that I want it to work, but right now, I am sort of enjoying my time.
The one thing that has me worried is that my W told the counselor "There are problems in our M that he doesn't even know about". He said it sounded cryptic and asked me if I had any idea what it meant. I don't...it has me worried...but I'm not a wreck like I would have been a month ago. I just want to know...put everything on the table.
Sorry, I am a little long winded here, lots on my mind. Thanks for reading and your responses.
