Ex e-mailed me at work that he was going to do S14's and D9's parent teacher conference tonight and see if I could pick up the other two. Told him I already did one last night and had 3 to do today. He was taking the attitude well he would just go right home from Kansas City since I had it all covered.
I said you caused all this stuff harping at his teachers, you need to see them. Little did I know he was right in front of me in the teacher seeing process. One of the teachers said she just gave him everything. I said that was fine but since D14 lives with me and really only sees his Dad 4 days a month, it might be better if I could at least get a copy of stuff so I could work on things with S14. This wonderful lady took charge, took me around quickly to the different teachers to assure that I could at least get a copy of his paperwork since ex didn't even mention our "situation".!! Go figures.
All the teachers were telling me what a joy he is and the classes that he had situations in seem to be working out well. I love this kid.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
The girls conferences went well also. Ex actually showed up for those and we went in together. no mention of our divorce but no rings on the all important finger might be a clue!
Anyway as we are discussing the girls, a situation pops up where I explain some interaction at home with the kids and how they are trying to teach each other. D9 seems to be the main benefactor of all this and really is smart as a whip. Anway, I said something about how we had created nicknames for each other and the teacher is just laughing about it, I could tell she was surprised I stopped with my nickname and didn't mention Dad's but I just went on to some other issue. Ex was quiet and didn't make too much of an effort to add anything since he sees the girls a whopping 8 days a month.(4 of those he usually lets his Mom play or interact with them while he sits and watches TV with his Dad).
I know it is bad of me, but I hope it got to him a little, to hear what he is missing out on with this great bunch of young people.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It's considerate in a way that he let you know personally about the engagement, rather than having the kids be put in the middle.
It's still tough emotionally.
Only recently have I started turning the corner.. and what a beautiful sensation that is. Get really busy, involved. Luckily my mom and brother were visiting right before and after my former spouse was having his reception in which the kids were invited but not involved. I could have gone bonkers with the thoughts of loss bouncing in my brain, but I was so engaged with family here, getting the house ready for market, resolving issues that I was freed from the emotional chains of my own anxiety.
Anything he does in his life has nothing to do with mine. The only hurt is the hurt I allow. I am no longer any of his business. He is no longer any of mine.
It's hard to let go of the last threads of victimization. I know I vilify my former spouse with his scant interaction with our children. I have to let that go. It's a broken record. It serves no purpose. As long as I blame him, I hold myself back.
Focus on what's good for you. Cuz then everyone who matters is a winner.
That sounds like excellent interaction at the conferences. At least he bothers to come and be supportive of their education. Glad you were able to interject some humor and family interaction examples into your conference.
You don't feel it's important that the school know about the home situation so that they don't accidentally create an uncomfortable situation for the kids? It's not such a big deal in high school, but for elementary and middle school kids it seems there is so much parent involvement expected that they tend to address things to both parents unknowingly causing some issues.
Just my experience....
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I have always told the teachers about the divorce, especially with the boys because they do seem to have a harder time. I told the girls teachers last year and they were glad I did. I was glad we were able to get through the girls without bringing up ugly feelings so I didn't say anything now and the girls are doing very well. I will probably drop an e-mail later to both of them.
Ex did S14's parent teacher conference and I did the other three last year. I said I was fine if he went while I had the others as long as he explained about the divorce...turns out he never did it. Since he is the child having the hardest time with this, I made sure each of his teachers were aware of the current situation as well. All of his teachers were very supportive and told me what an amazing child he is. Since we switched his math class he is maintaining an A so the class with the issue is science and his teacher is giving him additional feedback and he is improving.
The hurt I felt wasn't a longing for him but it felt like another point for the "bad guys". You know...I stayed, I am raising 4 kids, I am doing 98% of the transportation for S17 back and forth to work. I'm not dating yet and they get to continue their fantasy life. Maybe a tad woe is me. Yesterday just showed that I am fine, I don't have some evil streak in me that prevents me from trying to keep him informed on their education. I think he saw that too.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
