Am I at this stage?

[TrentC]

Well. An okay day. Nothing to get excited about that's for sure. I went to my counseling session this morning while H watched the boys. When I got back he was excited that I was about 15 minutes early so he wasn't going to be late for hockey. But then he ended up procrastinating and didn't leave for half an hour! I expected him to walk out the door as soon as I walked in. Its almost like he enjoyed being there with me. We hung out in the living room and had some basic every day conversation. He kept commenting "well i should go to hockey". Like a few times. He is never late for hockey, but was definitely late today. And that's all I have heard from him.

Maybe he was hanging around to see if you would miss him. Maybe he was hanging around because he's starting to miss you. Time will tell.

2,3 weeks ago, we only talked through texting. We arranged everything through text. But now he is calling. Like last night. It was basically only to discuss today's events. We could have done it through text like we have been, but he wanted to do it through conversation. I try to take it like a good sign.

We've been saying that changing your behavior will cause his to change.

Now for my question of the day. I had a meeting with my MC today and he thinks I need to sit down and talk to H about where he is at.

I'm thinking no. You've been trying to, and he's not willing to discuss it. You should tell your MC that.

He thinks that after friday's occurences, and wanting to spend time with me sunday, and eating here, and everything else, that my H is thinking differently than he did 2 weeks ago.

He is, but the biggest mistake people make is to start to change, have their spouse react to the changes, and then go back to "normal".

He believes that if I have any chance of rebuilding my marriage I need to get over my fear of H's reactions, and answers.

This would be that "detachment" thing that silly people around here keep bringing up...

He thinks that I need to ask him where he is at and own up to it, and be okay with the answer good or bad.

I think it's too soon, but you have to decide for yourself.

We are getting along great. He is enjoying being around me, he has missed me which HE stated, why hasn't he said anything. Why hasn't he given me anything?

But he is giving you something. He's told you that he misses you. He's talking to you on the phone instead of texting you. He is apparently getting comfortable being around you again. Just because you don't want to get your hopes up doesn't mean you can't enjoy the little victories.

Someone else in another thread put it best: Our culture is so used to the idea of instant gratification and disposable marriages that the thought of someone putting real, sustained, long-term effort into rebuilding a relationship is almost alien. But that's why it works.