She cant take one day of her life to read a book that could possible save our marriage. Im not sure if I want anything to do with this person. How can someone tell you they love you one day and the next send you a text message that they our miserable and our moving on with there life.
Because they have been building up that disappointment and/or resentment for weeks, maybe even months. You must remember that they are hurting also, and hurt people will lash out.
Maybe they tried to talk to you and you didn't listen. Maybe they just internalized it all.
The important thing is to realize that they have a script that they are working out of. It may not be an actual plan, but these things follow very predictable patterns.
So the trick is to throw a shoe into the works.
She expects you to argue with her about all of the things that you did wrong, to defend yourself. So you validate her emotions without necessarily agreeing with them. Practice saying "I understand why you feel that way"...
She is going to expect you to beg and plead to stay with her, reinforcing the idea that she's created in her head that you are clingy and desperate. So you start to detach emotionally and "go dark"; she knows NOTHING of what you are doing unless absolutely necessary (coordinating picking up and dropping off kids, etc.).
You also need to get out of the house and find things to do without her; this will help fight off depression, build your confidence and self-esteem up, and create in her mind the idea that maybe you're more okay with this than she thought... which means maybe you're not the person she thought.
Don't be upset that she won't read the book. If anything, reading the book may cause her to view your work on detaching, getting a life, 180s, etc. as attempts to manipulate her because she'll know your "secrets".
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
