Treese, You have to find your center. You have to let him go and yes, detach even further. You are still allowing this man control over your thoughts and giving him too much head space.
You need to keep your expectatiions at zero and live your life as a single parent...that goes without saying, that in your mind, you need to think of him as on another planet w/no lines of communication or consider him deceased. Right now, his focus is on other things and I really hate to be blunt, but you and your family are the furtherest things from his mind. Accept that and continue to move forward.
Taking him to task everything he does something that you think is wrong isn't going to help your situation. In fact, it just may make it worse. Step back, document and try to keep a lid on the comments you make to him. The more you point out his wrong doings, the further he's going to stay away from your family. I know you've had it up to your ears, but if you want him to have anything to do with the children, you need to try something different w/him. You are not his mother! He's the one that has to face the consequences of his actions some time in the future.
Focus on the things that you do have control over and go from there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
