It sounds like you have had a tremendous amount of stress in your lives during the past year, with the job loss, bankruptcy, etc.
As you can see the "trying to convince her to at least make things work" scenario doesn't work too well. It's good that you have backed off. You need to give her some time to contemplate on her own what choices she is making. Don't stir the pot!
Take this time to read the DB book and implement the techniques that apply to your situation. Evaluate your shortcomings in the marriage and decide how you intend to make the changes that will improve yourself and make you more attractive to your wife. The first step in making your marriage better is to make YOU better.
Keep interactions with your W as positive as possible. Keep discussions with her limited to your kids and just everyday things - not relationship stuff.
