Counseling conundrums

[Greek]

Tomorrow is our MC session and I'm getting so incredibly nervous. I sent H a text earlier this afternoon to confirm that he's attending, but I haven't heard back yet. I guess it doesn't matter, I'm going anyways.

No, it does NOT matter whether he is there or not. You go. You get good. You take steps. You TCB. You matter.

I don't understand what he sees lacking in me,

Who cares, Bunny? Who gives one 1/2 of a rat's? He is not your judge!

I don't think he's looking in the right places.

Bunny ~ the changes you made must be for you, girl. Not him. That's why it does not matter if he thinks you have deficiencies or can't find your changed places.

I just want to get tomorrow over with.

Cut that out. I know that this is a horrific time for you but do NOT wish your days away. There is some benefit to every day - even the worst ones.

Consider this, Bunny. When God imagined YOU ~ when he dreamed your face, your intellect, your laugh, your heart ~ rest assured He did NOT say "I will make Bunny for Mr. Bunny." He made YOU for YOU - to grow, to learn, live. This life, my sister, is YOURS.

Now quit crying about that man and go live YOUR LIFE.

Peace ~
Greek

[Dia]

Hi, Bunny,

Please remember this mantra and repeat as necessary.

His issues are not about YOU.

Hiss issues are about hos own inner demons and he's putting them out there on you because he's incapable of dealing with them himself.

Again, this is not about YOU.

[TrentC]

Consider this, Bunny. When God imagined YOU ~ when he dreamed your face, your intellect, your laugh, your heart ~ rest assured He did NOT say "I will make Bunny for Mr. Bunny." He made YOU for YOU - to grow, to learn, live. This life, my sister, is YOURS.

Amen.

SpyBunny, you are loved by us here because we see you for what you are -- a human being who deserves respect, a woman with her own feelings and needs, and a lost soul who has been trapped in pain and sorrow for too long.

You have to take the first step towards the life you deserve. We'll be cheering you on every step of the way.

[SpyBunny]

His issues are not about YOU.

I keep forgetting that part of it and turn it around onto me. I better put that on a piece of paper and keep it with me for a while until it really sinks in. I can't keep losing my perspective.

Last night was D17's orchestra performance at the high school (she's 3rd chair 2nd violin) which was really nice and I chatted with some other parents afterward. I do have the ability to socialize, but as usual, H wasn't there to see it because he said he wasn't feeling well. He has attended maybe 25% of the kids' performances. (Both kids are musicians). The kids are actually more surprised if he is there.

I want to attend more of those kind of things this year as a GAL activity. S18 attends a conservatory about 15 minutes from my office, so they have performances frequently with guest musicians and student recitals, plus the school is smack dab in the middle of the area's museums.

I don't need H to have a full life- I already do a lot without him. And I'm certainly not afraid to go somewhere by myself- last winter I drove all the way to Cincinnati by myself for a show choir weekend for S18, and had a good time- chatted with other parents when I wanted and enjoyed peaceful Bunny quiet time when I wanted.

I don't need H and his issues. Wow, I feel stronger when I say that!

[Dia]

His issues are not about YOU.

I keep forgetting that part of it and turn it around onto me. I better put that on a piece of paper and keep it with me for a while until it really sinks in. I can't keep losing my perspective.


I don't need H and his issues. Wow, I feel stronger when I say that!

GOOD!!!

IMHO, unless your IC has some sort of pressing agenda for you today, tell him/her you need some help with the "It's not about me" part. (As always, feel free to print posts to take along with you if it helps.)

[Kimmie Lee]

SB, you keep trying to figure out "why" he isn't the h you want.

Please stop. He is seriously f*cked up and he will NEVER stop trying to get you back down into the lifestyle. Hell, the most he can "promise" is that he'll stop swinging...."temporarily."


WTF kind of promise is that??

[Kimmie Lee]

And as far as the C's go, how about just saying, "My h coerced me into swinging. I hate it. I'VE ALWAYS HATED IT!! I WANT IT TO STOP, OK???

There. What is so hard about that?

[TrentC]

And as far as the C's go, how about just saying, "My h coerced me into swinging. I hate it. I'VE ALWAYS HATED IT!! I WANT IT TO STOP, OK???

There. What is so hard about that?

She's right; counseling is no place to soft-pedal the issues you are facing.

[SpyBunny]

It doesn't matter- it's a moot point if we're just going to go our separate ways. He can go screw whoever he wants, whenever he wants, when he's on his own. (The ironic thing is that he had much better luck with other women when I was along for the ride and he knows it.) H is not going to accept responsibility for his share of our problems or look into his own issues anytime soon, so I'll continue the work with my IC to deal with it myself.

[TrentC]

H is not going to accept responsibility for his share of our problems or look into his own issues anytime soon, so I'll continue the work with my IC to deal with it myself.

Good for you.