Newbie with almost WAW - Need Advice

[sandi2]

I am in a position where I am waiting on her to make all of the moves which means that she still controls this whole thing.

I think that is pretty common for LBH's, but it is important that you feel like you've taken back the control. As long as she has control of the "reigns" then your life will be a merry-go-round.

because me leaving the house is not an option right now (especially financially

Okay, I can understand that. As long as it is a legit reason and not just an excuse b/c you're afraid it will have a adverse effect.

do you have some suggestions for 180s that might make a powerful statement to her given my recent history of apathy and depression?

Yes, I can give you some suggestions. They may be hard ti di b/c I know how depression affects one's energy level, so it will be a lot of self determination on your part.

Since depression is often misread as "laxiness", the biggest 180 you can do is simply show yourself to be active whenever you are around her. Be your best when in her presence. You know, so many of us put our most into our jobs.....and let down when we're home, but in your case.....you need to do anything you can to keep from laying around to rest, sitting around to think, or even doing things like reading or watching TV (well, you can read if it is at night), but my point is that your W is probably use to seeing you in more inactive things such as being on the computer (which is fine if you are on DB board...lol) or watching ball games, etc. If she is working her tail off doing chores then you need to be up doing more strenous activity. I would suggest that you save hobbies and fun things to do after the chores are done.....you know how we women are about that! It is important that you discipline yourself to GAL. Yes, I said discipline...b/c if you still struggle with signs of depression, then more than likely, you don't want to get a life b/c you won't feel like it, but it is so important to do it. GAL is not to be suited to when it is convinient for your W.....it is when "you" choose to do it, okay? The point is to do it in a way that you enjoy it most of all, and making a 180 would be to do it where she would notice it. For an example, staying out late on some evening and not asking or checking with your W to see if it is okay.

Do not give her any details about where you go or what you do on any given day. Never tell a lie, but don't tell anymore than you must, b/c it will help you to be somewhat mysterious and cause her interest to perk up. For instance, if you go to a movie with your pal down the street......and she starts asking where you were.....make her "dig" it out of you.

W: Where were you?
You: Went out for a while.
W: I know, but where did you go?
You: Went to a show.
W: What kind of show?
You: Movie.
W: What was playing? (This is a trick question, BTW.)
You: (Tell name of movie)
W: (Will ask questions about the movie.)
W: Did you go with anyone? (This is what she really wants to know.)
You: Yes
W: (Getting irritated by now....) Well, who was it?
You: Just a friend (and leaves the room to make a private czll on cell phone.)

See what I mean? It may sound like you are playing games, but people do it before they get M and in order to keep your S interested, you better learn to become more interesting to her now or she'll never pay any attention to you. Being mysterious causes great interest!

Never let her use "tears" to break you down. Neither allow her to use her sex to get her way. If she wants to pursue a hug or a kiss.....you can lean in for her to do it to you, but you break it off first. I bet that would be a 180, wouldn't it? It will get her attention fast! You are acting as if you really aren't that concerned or "interested" and that one thing will make you much more attractive than you have been recently. Don't cave!

Showing a sunny personality (or at least your best side) when you are within see & hearing distance of her is very important. But, another 180 could be whenever you are around any of her friends or relatives (when she's not along) and acting very happy. Don't you know they would be sure to mention how "happy" you were to her? This would get her to thinking about you. Her mind would be on you....and off the OM.

Your biggest test will be fear. You will be afraid to trust these techniques b/c they are a 180 for you, and doesn't feel normal. But you must trust it. What were doing wasn't working. That is why you are here.

The most attractive man to any woman is one who is very confident in himself. It brings out the female in her. So, even if you have to fake it till you make it.....so be it.

When she's talking to you (as long as she's being nice) look directly into her eyes and very glance away while she's talking. This shows her you are "truly listening" to her. She will think that is another 180 for you!

Whenver she tries to get in an argument with you, hold your hand up in a "stop" positiion and turn and leave. If you can't leave and at least go to another room or outside, then tell her you are not going to discuss it. Then don't look at her and don't talk with her no matter how mad she gets. Women can control their behavior.

She needs to respect you by learning not to talk down to you. If she tries that.....tell her at once that you will not tollerate her disrespect. Stand up when you are saying this. Put your hands on your hips if you have to, but be firm. If she asks what you will do about it if she doesn't....tell her you will pack her junk and send her back to her parents. Tell her that you are sure they would be interested in knowing what kind of wife she has made! Then don't discuss it any farther....and leave the house and be gone for as long as you can (depending on the hour). This is not to act like you are showing her you are mad, but for her to think about what you've said to her and to end the discussion. It won't end unless you leave.

I can think of other things, but maybe that will get you thinking of some things. Just think of something that would be opposite of what you would normally do. Don't stop and wonder if you aren't being "considerate" b/c she was not thinking of your feelings when she had the A. Yes, you want to do what you like, but you also want to make her wonder what you've been up to. Almost like naughty liitle boys try to cover up and act "good" when they are in front of their parents......and yet you just know they have been up to something!

Stop all contacts. This will be the hardest "habit" to break...but the biggest 180 (I'll bet). If she wants to call you....then fine, but you don't find stuff to talk about--and cut it off first. I'm serious....it needs to be strickly a medical emergency or a death in the family before you call, text, VM or email her!

Can't wait to hear how you are doing with some ideas of your own. Even though it is not a fun time in your life....try to make time for fun and make things become fun to you.