Putting Out the Fire with Gasoline...

[blindsided1]

Hello all....I'm still alive AND kicking. Been busy lately NOT dwelling on the sitch. What's been going on????Well, let's see....

K is thriving and getting huge. She's a ton of fun and I have been doing everything and anything with her. ExH calls, now, usually once a week. It starts out as "how's my daughter" and ends up with something sexual....ALWAYS. I just blow him off. Can't say he's not persistent. Took K to the pumpkin patch, dinner outings, playdates, beach, bbq's, birthday parties....lots of fun...busy, busy, busy.

Ow still posts CRAP...usually some snide remark or pictures of my daughter with the caption "my family", "love this little girl", "my step daughter"...all part of her phoney world. I don't, however, like the fact that she has "bath" pictures of MY daughter on the internet....isn't that illegal somehow???? And, occassionally she will slip up and say something not so complimentary about K. Like "aww, she used to be so sweet and innocent back then". What does that mean? She's 1 year old...she is STILL sweet and innocent. Sorry, I just hate the b!tch.

Funny though...she took off out of state for 3 days and left "their" baby with her sister. The baby was NOT left in the care of my ExH....to me, that speaks volumes about her trust in his parenting skills. Doesn't sit well with me to know my daughter is with him every other weekend.

ExH is also making snide remarks about me at drop off. He always has something he feels he needs to put me down about....like: if K lived with him, she would be speaking full sentences by now and be potty trained in a week. Like he has this need to put down MY parenting skills. But, I know that it is his way of dealing with his insecurities. That is what he does...he tries to hurt or put other people down in an attempt to make himself feel or appear better.

Doesn't even phase me anymore. I usually cut the visit short when he drops her off and if he starts texting his gf, I just say "gotta go, see you later" and we leave. I don't need that BS in my life.

So, for now, I am just trying to keep whatever feelings I still have for him, at bay. I don't want to feel ANYTHING for him, anymore...not hatred, not love, NOTHING. I just want to be numb when it comes to him. I know that sounds sad...but, he has pushed me sooo far away that I don't think it will ever be possible to fix what he broke.

His Loss....I'm a great woman, great ex-wife and wonderful mother. Too bad he doesn't get to be part of my life.

Love to you all. I'll be back around. My home computer is going to be replaced in a couple weeks and then I can check in more.

xoxoxox