Good morning to all that our there. My situation looks like this at this point. My wife of seven years left three weeks ago to move in with her parents. We have two children ages 1 and 3. She has been saying for quite sometime that she is miserable and not happy. We tried counseling but she only wanted to go for 6 sessions. She had left for 2 days in the month of May and after she came back i wondered if she was really trying to work on our marriage. She left one of the cribs at her parents and alot of her personal belongings. I would tell her if were going to make this marriage work we have to be fully committed to that. I feel like she hasnt been since then. There are many things that have happened this last year and its been hard on both of us. First she was pregnant for most of 2008 and had a really hard pregnancy. She said that I wasnt there for her when she was sick. I come to find out during her six and seven months into the pregnancy that she had been speaking to a M friend about 200-300 times per month? When I found out about she stopped but there been alot of insecurity on my part ever since. I lost my job of 17 years in Oct 2008. We had to file BK and lost our home to foreclosure in Aug of 2009.I think that alot of the financial problems created a huge void in our marriage. I thought we would be able to survive but she just cant handle it anymore and has stated she is "moving on with her life". She initial left via a text message stating that she was miserable and couldnt live this way anymore. We had been living at my parents until we could get back on our feet. I have tried the first week she was gone to talk to her and convince her to at least try to make things work. Her attitude got worse by the day. I have completly backed off at this point. I recieved the book bd via anoymouus family member that sent it apparently to both of us. I asked her if she recieved and if she read it and this was her reply." No i will not be reading it whoev! er sent it was out of line". Any advice from anyone. Thanks
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
Welcome to the boards. You've come to the right place.
Some basic questions:
* How old are you and your wife? * How long have you been married? How long have you been in a relationship? * How many children (I see the answer: 2 kids, 1 and 3 yrs) * When did she "drop the bomb" on you? * How have things been since then? * Is she living with you still? * Has there been any change in her behavior that might cause you to suspect an affair (either emotional or physical)?
As far as her reading the book, your first priority right now is to stop talking to her about the relationship. All you are doing is putting pressure on her, which is going to reinforce the choice she has made. (The same goes for whoever sent her the book; it was a noble effort, but it obviously had the opposite effect.)
Which book did you get? Divorce Busting or The Divorce Remedy? I prefer DR because it's got more stuff for you to work on yourself.
Another thing to work on is detachment; this will give you the emotional energy to work on what you need to work on. There's a good forum thread started by Coach here and livestrong.com has a good article here explaining the value of detachment.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Im 39 years and my w is 33. 7 years married...9 years together 2 children ages 1 and 3 OCt 4th she sent me a text message that she is not coming home. The first two weeks i tried to talk to her and convince her to come back. Since last Mon Oct 19 all conversations or text have been about children. No she is living w parents about a couple of miles away. I think she had a emotional affair when she was pregnant but as far as I know has had no contact since last September 2008.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
OK. When you sign on to this website, there is a button at the top that says "Forum List." Clieck on that then select "Newcomers." Within that, you can search page by page for his thread. Or you can do a search in the search box for "Thinker."
Another option is to go to My Stuff and select Posts.
This will show you all of your posts on various threads.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
She wants a divorce but she wants to have all the events that involve the kids revolve around my cousins? Im not sure I can act like thats okay. Any ideas?
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
She wants a divorce but she wants to have all the events that involve the kids revolve around my cousins? Im not sure I can act like thats okay. Any ideas?
When in doubt, say nothing. Tell her you need to think about it.
If she's talking about child custody issues, then you need to get a lawyer and discuss your options.
I'm not sure what your cousins have to do with anything...? Can you give us more background?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
