I think I need to explain a little more about my comment. I am pretty sure (or at least really hope) that xW does not participate in any questionable socializing while our S's are in her care. That I would not ever tolerate.
And I believe that her carousing is done each weekend she is with OM and the boys are with me, which means it's only periodic socializing in sports bars and pool halls -- i.e., away from little eyes and ears. I myself do not have any problems with folks taking part in such social gatherings, as I will myself participate with my own circle of friends once in a while.
What I find particularly hypocritical of xW is that all the time we were dating and while we were married, she acted like such the tea-totaling prude and would never, ever think of going to an establishment whose main attraction was beer and spirits, if she had a choice. The most she would ever allow either of us to share in was maybe a wine tasting once, maybe twice in the entire 17 years we were together. She frowned on alcohol in all forms and grudgingly tolerated me infrequently bringing beer or wine into the home to share with guests. The only reason she allowed the occasional bottle of red wine to pass our threshold was because of it's purported health benefits at one time. Even before we had children, i.e., before it made more sense to "act like responsible adults."
Most of this huge aversion to alcohol and all of the social aspects that go along with it in drinking establishments has to do with the fact that her father has been a serious alcoholic for all her life. It caused her so much pain through much of her formative years, being neglected by her father for the bottle. So at no point during our years together did I ever allow myself to become fully inebriated (drunk), out of sensitivity to her painful childhood.
Now, to see and hear of her behavior with this OM, to see just how far she will compromise her stated life-long system of values -- just to mold herself to his particular personality -- it makes my head spin. All those years trying to act responsibly for her sake and for the sake of my children, for her to just throw that away. It just convinces me how psychologically bent she has become.
What really gets my goat is that the same sensibilities that in her became overzealous prudishness at times are not curtailed to the "bar scene". She was while she was M'ed to me just as restrained in the bedroom too -- but I am just as thunderstruck to now realize she has loosened up a tremendous amount in that department too.
Seventeen years... <sigh>
It all makes me feel like such the fool... on so many, many levels...
