Question

[awest1217]

After venting, I feel a lot better. I am not going to give him a letter because it wouldn't get to my goal. After some thinking, I think mostly I feel very insecure. I have never felt safe in our relationship. He has always brought up how he didn't want to go out with me, but some of my friends "made him" (this was said a lot when we were dating, engaged, and married). Whenever it came up, I would say then go find someone else since you don't want to be with me and he never did because as his counselor says "he was codependent". I have never felt like has had my best interests at heart.

I think I am just going to go to the stance I had before. I am really going to try to stop calling him. Now that my family knows what is going on, I can call them instead of him. I told him the ball is in his court about this weekend, but I am not going to invite him. I need to feel like he is really in this. He needs to start doing things to show he wants us to stay together. I need him to say he is sorry, invite me to do things, send me messages just because, call me, come over to take care of me (especially since I am exhausted) without me asking, he needs to be a husband. He needs to do all the things he does with OW. Until he starts to do those I will not feel safe, and I will not trust him. The trust will not come from me "checking up" on him because that just belittles him and gives me control. He needs to show me I can trust him through his actions. I need to see the actions. I can always tell when he is cheating because of the way he acts, now I have to trust myself that I will see a difference in his actions, and stop listening to his words because they mean nothing without the action. The proof that he wants to stay together will be how he treats me. He says he is showing he wants to be together by getting help, but that does nothign for us. I am glad it is helping him, but our relationship and trust is gone. It has to start building back up now, or I don't think it ever will be because it will just be dug deeper and deeper the other way.

Thank you for the suggestions for the weekend! I was thinking of going to the children's museum in Indy.