The Greek is reading a book called, "The Art of Racing in the Rain" narrated by a dog and his master is studying to be a race car driver, hence the title. One of the tenets of driving in the rain is to pretend you have a egg on top of the foot pedals. Gentle pressure to get your desired results. Another tenet is to know when and why the car skids and put the car there ahead of time so you are turning into the skid and you control the car not the conditions making you react.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
This is something I have been struggling with for a while myself. How do you get out of limboland without applying direct pressure.
If we push for Retro or counseling etc, then that is pressure.
If we express pain or need, then that is pressure AND unattractive, and only makes the WAS feel guilt and resentment
If we say "I am going to leave / file for D myself unless..." then that is pressure (and a threat)
This leaves only 2 options (please let me know if you see others):
Option 1: Learn to be happy living a disconnected separate life within the marriage. Connect with yourself. Fulfill yourself. Be independently happy. Release all expectations of anything more from M.
Option 2: Become the WAS. File for D and move on with your life.
Any other thoughts?
This seems to be the trick. Personally, I am going to go with option #1. If W decides that she wants to be part of this new fulfilled life of mine, she is welcome to it. If not, I imagine that you/I/we will eventually get to a place that we know it's time to move onto Option 2.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Well said with that last post. On the topic of my earlier comment on the IM, I don't mean to keep something secret but no need to send the IM while the ticket is being written! Bring it up that night, next day, whatever. And as you detach and live more separate, that stuff needs to happen. There are a lot of times I want/think I should pick up the phone or send a message to my W now, but I pause and really think "is this necessary right now?"
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
From reading the boards here, it appears that some WAS don't get the wake up call they need until Option 2 is put into play. I would never do option 2 as a mere gambit, however. If you go there, you have to be ready to ride the dragon for the entire journey.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
From reading the boards here, it appears that some WAS don't get the wake up call they need until Option 2 is put into play. I would never do option 2 as a mere gambit, however. If you go there, you have to be ready to ride the dragon for the entire journey.
Dia, I could not agree with you more. Don't say it unless you are willing to do it.
From reading the boards here, it appears that some WAS don't get the wake up call they need until Option 2 is put into play. I would never do option 2 as a mere gambit, however. If you go there, you have to be ready to ride the dragon for the entire journey.
I think in my sitch it helped that we seperated and there were D papers filed. Made me really focus on what was important. Plus having the clock ticking creates a deadline that you know is coming, the opposite of limbo. I don't want to speak totally for the Greek but I think she would agree.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well said with that last post. On the topic of my earlier comment on the IM, I don't mean to keep something secret but no need to send the IM while the ticket is being written! Bring it up that night, next day, whatever. And as you detach and live more separate, that stuff needs to happen. There are a lot of times I want/think I should pick up the phone or send a message to my W now, but I pause and really think "is this necessary right now?"
From reading the boards here, it appears that some WAS don't get the wake up call they need until Option 2 is put into play. I would never do option 2 as a mere gambit, however. If you go there, you have to be ready to ride the dragon for the entire journey.
I think in my sitch it helped that we seperated and there were D papers filed. Made me really focus on what was important. Plus having the clock ticking creates a deadline that you know is coming, the opposite of limbo. I don't want to speak totally for the Greek but I think she would agree.
Cheers
Coach,
In mine, I don't know that option 2 would make any impression upon her. Only she knows the answer, and she may not know it right now.
My W noticed that I was moving on about 3 weeks ago. It seemed like the first thing that really grabbed her attention.
I don't call her anymore unless it's regarding S. I make plans to do lots w/o her, but I am curtious about it. I am out of the house a lot more. Finally W asked what I was up to. I told her that I was preparing myself for life without her. I was honest and said that I needed to develop a new life for myself.
It seemed to really hit her. It was a kind of turning point for me too. I wouldn't have just come out and told her that, but she asked. It was clear that I was moving on and I wanted her to know why.
I was (am) trying to live option 1. I think that you will just know when it's time for option 2. If you aren't sure that it's time for it, than it's probably not.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
