Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[BigJohn]

BJ,
She didn't want the wedding stuff, she slipped it into my packed boxes of books that she knew I would be taking if/when we split..

IWITW,

I'm not so sure that isn't a bad thing. I'm kinda hoping my W allows me to "safe keep" our wedding stuff, especially the photos. If the stuff stays with me, I will make certain that it is safe. With my W... well, who the hell knows. I'd hate to see some of this stuff go up in flames following the next predictable "crisis" in her life: 1) when OM drops her for another woman or 2) I find myself a new babe and get remarried. Plus in my sitch my W is going to be a renter and you know how things can get lost or damaged moving from place to place.

On top of that last month she told me she took her wedding ring to have the diamond removed and placed in a necklace to give to d8.

Both of those seem to indicate a will to destroy anything about our marraige on her side..

I'm sorry to hear about the ring. That sounds really mean and spiteful. I'm hopeful my W puts her wedding ring away somewhere safe and doesn't mess with it. I've already floated the idea of keeping it for her in my safe at the house or getting a safety deposit box at the bank.

Last night was very tough, I dreamed of STBXW all night, and they were not good dreams and kept me awake most of the night..

Dropped d8 off at school and saw STBXW who was cheerful and looked radiant... *sigh* that does not help at all.... I have to stop wondering what she is up to as it does me no good..

Don't forget, misery loves company. For all you know, she could be putting on a front for your benefit while trying to reassure herself that what she has done, which is to destroy her M, was somehow the "right thing". I recall the last time you mentioned you saw her she wasn't so chipper. Who knows what is going on in her head? I can tell you that with my W, I think that there is a lot of conscious/subconscious personal affirmations/reassurances going on in her brain. "Now that I've embraced the D, the worst is over." "I've really got my act together." "Everything is going to work out great once I $hitcan Big John, just wait and see." "I have such a bright future ahead of me!" Blah blah blah. As twisted as her head is right now, there has to be SOME doubt, even if she does have a OM. But you are right, you can't spend a lot of time dwelling on this stuff. Remember that whatever is going on in her brain right now, it's HER problem, not yours.

You know, something I've sensed previously in my own sitch (don't know if this is completely accurate- it's just a feeling) is that my W seemed to derive strength/confidence when I was down in the dumps emotionally. Now that I've detached- and I mean business when I'm dealing with her in the D process- she is not so smug and giddy. Stop letting this woman drain you. Work on detaching.

Interestingly, on my way out of school, saw STBXW's coworker from her classroom, and very close friend. She says. "Hi, and you look great". I said, thanks, and noted that without my goatee I look a little different..

Call me vain, but I hope she goes in and mentions something about the way I look to STBXW...

I can relate completely to why you would want things to go down that way. I doubt she will say anything to your W though. The best thing to do outside of detaching is to consistently look good, relaxed, confident and put together day in and day out. The dopey smiles and "radiance" may work for your W and mine to get them through a day or two but this type of superficiality won't carry them far.

Well time to hit the hay. Take it easy, I'll check in later.