Am I at this stage?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Listen to Trent, Britt. His advice is all spot-on.

I wouldn't respond to the text. When you wake up in the morning, reply back "Sorry -- just saw this. What's up?"

Puppy

[Lll54]

Sooooooo....I didn't text him back. He text me while he was at work. He worked till 7, and text me at 6. Then at 7:30 he called. I was in the shower and my sis was here and she answered it. So when I got out of the shower she told me he called and to call him back. He mentioned he was working out. So then I text him rather than calling and just told him to call me when he is done working out and that I would only be home till 8:45. So at 8:15, he calls. I had no way out of it so I answered. He called to talk about our plans in the morning. He is watching the kids so i can go see my counselor. We panned that out and it was all good. I was being very chipper and happy. He thanked me for being so accomodating because I am going to make sure I'm out by 11;30, so he can go to noon hour hockey. I replied "no problem" On friday in our whole "awesome" day, he asked me if I would be going to this work banquet thing of his that is in a couple of weeks. I told him definitely not. Its "his"work banquet, why would I go? He told me he really wanted me to and that I always have so much fun there that he really thinks I should go and it doesn't matter what happened to us, I shouldn't have to miss it. I have been going every year since he started working there. I told him I would think about it. So then tonight in our conversation he asked me if I thought anymore about it. I told him not really, we'll see what happens. Hmmmm...plus sign? Negative sign???? He seems like he really wants me to go even though everybody at work knows that he's staying at his sis's and he doesn't really seem to care that it would be weird for me to go! But heh...He then went on to say how he won't see the kids much this weekend, cause he has hockey except for saturday cause we will be with the kids all day and take them trick or treating in the evening. I don't know if he thinks that we will be spending the whole day and night together or what? I was invited to a Halloween party that night. Debating whether I should tell him that maybe we could end trick or treating early so I can go to this party? But then I'm scared to throw away the possibility that he does want to spend the night with me. We kind of have a tradition on Halloween since we're not big dresser uppers, that we go sit outside the biggest bar in our town at 2 in the morning and get some drinks and snacks, and we park in the parking lot and sit and watch all the crazy costumes come out. Its lame and embarrassing, but we've been doing it for years, and its fun! We always have a blast. So not sure if he thinks we're going to be doing something like that again or not. Scared to bring up what his plans are for the night. It is his night with the kids, so not sure what to do. So that's the basics of the conversation. He thanked me again for being so accomodating and said he'd see me in the morning.

[TrentC]

Sooooooo....I didn't text him back. He text me while he was at work. He worked till 7, and text me at 6. Then at 7:30 he called. I was in the shower and my sis was here and she answered it. So when I got out of the shower she told me he called and to call him back. He mentioned he was working out. So then I text him rather than calling and just told him to call me when he is done working out and that I would only be home till 8:45. So at 8:15, he calls. I had no way out of it so I answered.

No worries; sometimes it can't be helped.

On friday in our whole "awesome" day, he asked me if I would be going to this work banquet thing of his that is in a couple of weeks. I told him definitely not. Its "his"work banquet, why would I go? He told me he really wanted me to and that I always have so much fun there that he really thinks I should go and it doesn't matter what happened to us, I shouldn't have to miss it. I have been going every year since he started working there. I told him I would think about it. So then tonight in our conversation he asked me if I thought anymore about it. I told him not really, we'll see what happens. Hmmmm...plus sign? Negative sign???? He seems like he really wants me to go even though everybody at work knows that he's staying at his sis's and he doesn't really seem to care that it would be weird for me to go!

That would be up to you, then. If you really would enjoy yourself for your sake, and not for putting up appearances, I don't see why not. (Others here may disagree.)

But heh...He then went on to say how he won't see the kids much this weekend, cause he has hockey except for saturday cause we will be with the kids all day and take them trick or treating in the evening. I don't know if he thinks that we will be spending the whole day and night together or what? I was invited to a Halloween party that night. Debating whether I should tell him that maybe we could end trick or treating early so I can go to this party?

Look at it this way: one friend invites you to a Halloween party, then later another friend invites you to go trick-or-treating. Which do you do?

But then I'm scared to throw away the possibility that he does want to spend the night with me.

Hmmm... this sounds like a good opportunity to detach, then. Tell him you can't go trick-or-treating (or have to leave early) and see how he reacts.

[Lll54]

One of H's biggest problems he states in our marriage is that when we were out in public together, he felt like he always had to be by my side and couldn't go on and have a good time. And that he was always afraid to talk to other women in fear I would get mad. I am a jealous person always have been, but that has diminished immensely since we got married and had children! So this banquet kind of seems like a good opportunity to go have a good time, which I always have every year and show him that he can have a good time too, and not feel obliged to be at my beck and call all night. And I can show him that I can have a good time without him. So that's why I'm considering going. Halloween is definitely a good time to detach. I HAVE to go trick or treating, we will be taking our three year old for the first time. I would never miss out on that in a million years. But I am just considering after we're done which will be around 8 or 9 to take off and leave the boys with him and go to this party. I know it would be good to have my own plans and go do them. I guess its just the fear in me again. I'm scared to turn away the opportunity of spending the night with him....its unfortunate.

[Lll54]

You know...I was just thinking. For the last 3 weeks, its almost that the less i talk to H, and the less I have to see him, the easier it is to detach. Lately we have been getting a long sooo good, even if it doesn't lead to R, then how do you continue to detach when hearing his voice, seeing his face makes your heart melt?

[TrentC]

Lately we have been getting a long sooo good, even if it doesn't lead to R, then how do you continue to detach when hearing his voice, seeing his face makes your heart melt?

You're talking to someone who just spent the last 10 minutes holding his wife in his arms and wishing more than anything that she would come to bed with him. But I didn't say anything except that I wished her a good night.

I look at it this way: if she chooses to stay with me, I'll have the rest of our lives together to make up for the time we're missing now.

[TrentC]

One of H's biggest problems he states in our marriage is that when we were out in public together, he felt like he always had to be by my side and couldn't go on and have a good time.

This would be a great 180 for you then. Practice being comfortable socializing by yourself.

[Lll54]

That's exactly what I thought. It would be a perfect time to make a 180. I don't always agree with the way he felt. I feel I do good socializing by myself, but I think I'm going to go and prove it to myself and him.

Well off to go drop the kids off at his sis's for the morning...have a good day!

[TrentC]

I feel I do good socializing by myself, but I think I'm going to go and prove it to myself and him.

If you ask me, you're doing just fine on here...

Well off to go drop the kids off at his sis's for the morning...have a good day!

You too. Let us know how it goes.

[TrentC]

Here's hoping you had a good day.