What to do, what to do?

[courts0818]

Wow...things have been crazy for you. Others might not agree with me, but personally I would LOVE for my H to move back home for our DD. I don't care if he doesn't move back in for me. We are a family and she NEEDS to have her father here. It's his responsibility to be her parent 24/7, not just when he feels like it. He walked out on her and I and I don't care who he actually comes home for. Know what I mean? I just want him home.

If he made the choice to move back home for her, I think it would be a really good start. In your case, I think the same. Sure, we would both like to hear, "I'm moving back in bc I love you. I realize the mistakes I made..." But regardless - he is finally putting his family above himself and that's a start. That email was like a foot up the booty and a little smack of reality - which is what it sounds like he needed.

Yes, you will need to really have your game face on and be sure to make the changes he's wanted to see all along - whatever they might be. For example, I know I nagged my H too much and was too critical of what he did. So, if he ever moves back home you can bet that I will keep my comments to myself.

And you will need to continue with the 180s and GAL. Keep meeting up with your group, be happy and upbeat, don't push conversations on him or be criticial about how he's taking care of your DDs, etc...And continue to look good, be mysterious and that sort of stuff. Be friendly and appreciative, but don't be overly chatty.

If someone were to write an email like about my H. I WOULD forward it to him. Cause you know what? NOBODY besides me will call my H out on his behavior and it makes me sick! His family won't say crap to him (for fear he will shut them out), his boss and I have had tons of conversations and he knows what's going on, but still doesn't say one freaking word to my H (they are not just boss/employee - they are friends). So...I'm the only one who tries to make him accountable and he doesn't listen to a word I say. My H NEEDS to get an email like that. He NEEDS to know what others think of his rotten behavior. He really does. Everyone acts like what he's done is just fine and it makes me extremely upset. Sometimes we all need a wake up call from our family and friends, but there's nobody here that is willing to step up - not even his parents and I cannot understand it. It really makes me very sad, angry and frustrated. It's like HELLO PEOPLE - don't ignore his behavior and act like it's cool - HELP TO HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE!

Your H might have been pissed to get that email and that's bc it's EXACTLY right. And having someone else say it probably felt like (a much deserved) slap in the face. I say kudos to your stepdad for having some balls to call your H out. I wish someone in our family would step up and actually TELL my H something very similar.

Your H is probably quite mad at your stepdad right now. But, if he makes the right choices (stays at home, works on the marriage, etc...) with time they can repair that relationship.

Try not to get too wrapped up in why he's coming home - HE's COMING HOME and it's a start. At least IMHO. There is still lots of work to do, but wouldn't you rather work on things with him in your home?