Not wanting to be on this boat........

[june72]

Y,
I am no expert here but here is what I would do:

1. I would get hard evidence of an affair (hire a PI if necessary or install keylogger software) Puppy is so right- I totally think this is an affair and you seem to think so also

2.Offer the opportunity for a 1-on-1 counseling session for her to feel like the marriage couselor has her view of the situation since you have an individual session

3. I would work like hell to detach and have a PMA, do different things, shake things up a bit, maybe spend more time with you son

4. With evidence of the affair I would confront with another MC session and let her know that a 3 way relationship will not be tolerated. Also the need for transparency (be mentally prepaired for the explosion on her end)

5. Tell her you are for the marriage and ready for some hard work but also consult some lawyers (secretly) and see what seperation and divorce would entail to ease your mind a bit- it helps to know what might occur- worst case scenerio

6. Adopt a c'est la vie attitude of "what ever will be will be"- you can only do so much. She will have to make choices and decisions. I like SP's metaphor of "smiling and waving" in light of a walk away spouses behavior. Don't let every nasty face and mean comment get to you. If they are acting b*tchy just let it roll off your back. Don't be a pushover either though After a while- my hubby's "I hate you" did not have as much effect on me as when the initial bomb occurred. B4 our reconcilliation- I finally got to the point of thinking to his "I hate you's"- Yeah,ok I know that already, whatever- didn't phase me that much.

7. Read many other posts on this sight for valuable insight, read the DB books, and read his needs, her needs

8. No R talk unless MC and do not look needy and clingy, but strong and confident

I found it better to not focus my energy into worry of what will happen or what is happening in the moment. I came to the decision that I would be fine with or without my hubby. I told him this and also let him know that I love him and would like to have a loving marriage as opposed to divorce. I was staying and remaining commited.