Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

Karen,

I guess the message I'm trying to convey (and can't do a good job at ) is that my X has not at all times fit the mold of the 'typical' X and has tried on occasions to reach out. Not reach out in a "baiting" sense either.

I know what ever the outcome, my coming out of this with my head held high depends solely on me. I also know it should not matter what she has said, and should know it to all be her perception of the time.

For me, it's going to take a long time to do that on my own.

However, as said, everyone has their own mechanics that help(ed) them through. I have mine.

I so want to just put this all behind. But, like I said, I know, and can see it in her eyes that she knows we'll regret this for a long time to come. I just don't want to be the one who took the last chance away.

And agreed, so long as OM is around, no way no how, that has been my stance all along. That is my firm boundry.

My mistakes, for some reason I can't even summarize at the moment. I'm still learning them, and hopefully if given the opportunity, I won't make this time.

I am in my own way doing well. I accept and forgive, have for some time, but more so with each passing day. That, is my detachment. I have to focus on what she says and does as it all has bearing on our kdis to whom she oversees custody of. And yes, at times, I read into things a bit much for my own good.