GIMA, aren't you tired of pulling on that rope? Don't you think it is time to turn lose and live your own life? If she is ever going to wake up to the real world and discover her real feelings, you are going to have to start using TOUGH LOVE and stop working yourself to death and start relaxing (after you drop that heavy rope). I have read over and over how you are going to GAL more.......and you are killing yourself trying to use all these techniques. I think you have proven yourself....don't you?
You said yourself that you had nothing to lose....that you were already dead, but the truth is, GIMA, you are still scared to death to see her walk out that door! IMHO, dropping the rope "is" the LRT. Maybe sheer exhaustion from all this work you've done...will help you let go.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
GIMA, aren't you tired of pulling on that rope? Don't you think it is time to turn lose and live your own life? If she is ever going to wake up to the real world and discover her real feelings, you are going to have to start using TOUGH LOVE and stop working yourself to death and start relaxing (after you drop that heavy rope). I have read over and over how you are going to GAL more.......and you are killing yourself trying to use all these techniques. I think you have proven yourself....don't you?
You said yourself that you had nothing to lose....that you were already dead, but the truth is, GIMA, you are still scared to death to see her walk out that door! IMHO, dropping the rope "is" the LRT. Maybe sheer exhaustion from all this work you've done...will help you let go.
All valid points. But, I am not scared she will leave. I don't want that, and it will hurt, but I know I'll be ok.
And, yes, I am a little tired. And maybe the discussion Thursday night is what I needed to drop the rope. But, I think you are correct that I have a little further to go to get to that point. If I'm not there yet, I am awfully close.
GIMA, don't really have anything to add, just that you're one of the strongest DBers I know around here. Maybe dropping the rope for now would be a good idea (believe me it's easily picked right back up sometimes even when we don't want to). When I was going through the early part of this it was like I lost half of my brain cells (and I need them all!). Things will (do)get better!!! ((((((((GIMA))))))))
GIMA, don't really have anything to add, just that you're one of the strongest DBers I know around here. Maybe dropping the rope for now would be a good idea (believe me it's easily picked right back up sometimes even when we don't want to). When I was going through the early part of this it was like I lost half of my brain cells (and I need them all!). Things will (do)get better!!! ((((((((GIMA))))))))
Thank you karen.
I am in a strange, different place than I was before last Thursday (when I had the "Nothing Has Changed" talk with W). I am ok with the worst case scenario, and I know I AM already dead. And, I'm ok with that.
Right now, I am 99% towards dropping the rope. But I want to make sure I don't do it out of anger, hurt, disappointment. It has to be by ME, FOR ME and MY betterment.
I know it will be painful, but I can handle it. Just trying to sort through my emotions while maintaining loving detachment for W. And, well, that's HARD. Not impossible, but HARD.
Ball is in W's court on whether she will go to MC/Retro. I've said my piece and could not have been clearer. I needed to get a few things off my chest on Sunday evening.
I wanted to follow up on my post, as I see you struggling in your last few days posting.
It seems your searching for answers, for both you and you M, and from what I have found the last month or so, I hope that my comments may help you out.
As sandi2 said, I believe it's time to drop the rope, but in addition, I think you need to drop the rope on yourself as well. Take some time, and just let things be, for me it took a couple of days. Take the pressure off yourself to find the answers.
We guys tend to do this, There must be a way to 'fix' this, or 'understand' what went wrong so I can fix that, or I want to work on our M so I can fix that, and we suffer when we can't figure it out. I have come to accept that some things we may never know, or understand completely, or we may not be able to fix it, or make the correct decision. I am now ok with that, and accept it as truth. It may just be that way for some things.
Back the pressure off: just let it be as it is right now, and stop looking for the clues completely. Hand your W and your M to your higher power, and work on accepting things as they are in this moment.
When I finally did that, it was then that I got the clarity to do what I needed to do for me, not for my M or my STBXW, and it appeared at an unusual time and place. With that, when the decision was made, everything fell into place to do what I wanted to do as if it was supposed to be.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Headed back to my room tonight early. Sinuses and fatigue.
Met W and kids tonight for dinner, then S rode home with me, D with W. S and I joked on the way home, and I had him laughing really hard. I never get tired of the sound of my children's laughter. Really touches me.
Read a lot in my Bible today. Needed it. And I will continue to.
W wasn't very talkative at dinner, but talked a little when I asked a few questions after kids went to bed. It's still hard to want to be around her given the freshness of Thursday and Sunday's discussions. But, I am doing a little better each day.
Interestingly, W did not talk about any R isssues.
